The Ramblings of Elyse

I owe you guys my Inadvertly Ask Elyse post that was due on Friday, yes, the 2nd of the Month is when I do that, I was just preoccupied this time.

I've had a really bad couple of weeks. In many ways I have more or less given up on many things. I actually have a series of things I just can't do when things get bad.

Read, play guitar and write. The reading is long, long gone, the guitar I do because I have to and not often enough.
The sign is actually how long the nails on my left hand are. Just one of those things that only I notice, but you know putting it out there.


That is pretty much excuse for my lack of rambling lately.

But I have something I need to write, that I don't know if I'll post on here or if I'll even write it. I'm not sure it even really matters any more.

The thing that I have learnt, not even recently, just something that was emphasised for me about two weeks ago.

No one is irreplaceable.

No one.

Everyone can be replaced.

It's not the same, no it will never be the same, obviously, but that doesn't mean it can't happen.

That little niche thing you have happening at the moment?
Nope, that can be replaced.


I used to think in my job that they can't get rid of me because I'm the only person that knows how to do the finance stuff.
Well, that's now. Those kind of things can be taught, because they were taught to me and I'll probably have to show someone else to do it eventually.
That's just how it goes, that is how it HAS to go. You are replaceable because things HAVE to change. If things stay the same, things get fucked up.


Life is just about change and dealing with that change.


That's how it goes.
You are dealt your hand, one card is discarded and another card is added to your hand. If you try and go no, I'm not playing that, then you aren't playing the game and you are sitting there with a deck of cards doing nothing and getting no where.


I don't know if I ever thought I was actually irreplaceable.
I have always seemed to be in transient, I don't expect things to stay for very long that way.
In terms of people, I don't expect people to hang around very long and will generally help them with that.
The thing is that once they are gone, someone will take their place and it's not the same, but there is that role being replaced.
And really, no one wants to hear that.


I can think of an actual example of this, but I'm not going to write it down because I think I'll get in trouble for it.
It's not the same, but at least in some ways, it is a replacement.
I'm not saying it's a bad thing, nor is it a good thing. The fact someone had to leave, not cool, but someone new came along, that's cool.


Why is this important?
Because right now, right now I feel like Faith in This Year's Girl.
Yeah, it is a Buffy reference.
Which is funny because I think it is a Buffy reference that is making a reference to the Little Match Girl.
That's what is happening to me.
And Facebook is taunting me with it. I keep seeing the photos, the statuses, the little comments from something I was meant to be at. But instead, I was at home, with the internet as my window to look in.

I got to see who replaced me. I got to see all of that. 



I'm letting it taunt me. Yeah, I'm letting it win.
But I was never that good at the fight.


I want to be remembered.
Not necessarily as a person that changed lives or did something amazing, I just want to be remembered. That I was there. That for at least a small part, that I meant something and that had an impact.
That it was real. That I actually mattered and made a contribution for that small window. That there is some tangible thing.



I wrote something about that a while ago, I don't think I posted it.

I'd like to belong somewhere.
Anywhere.
But I won't.
Even in the group that was the haven for the outsiders, I was exactly that, so much so that in an organisation that claimed that everyone was accepted, there was that "Except Elyse" clause.

Yeah, I'm sorry that there is less with the funny in this.
I have to work some stuff out and I'm not exactly sure what do with all of that, so right now, I'm not fun to be around, so my apologies.

I'll think of some awesome things soon to write about.

I think I have a "Why Glee's Version of Defying Gravity is Terrible?" in the works. I really hope someone is getting worked up in the rebuttal about that just by the title!
Elyse... She is going to diss Glee! That Bitch! Oh, you better believe it. I think I'm gonna take some cheap shots at Kurt too. Who is excited about that?
Oh, and "Wow, this band is terrible live- How CD production is destroying expectations of live music" that I think I ranted about recently in real life, but haven't written anything.

I'll also check my drafts.

As always, I do take requests.
Please don't make me make a video with my singing. I've done enough of that and it never ends well for the internet.