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Showing posts with label Dawson's Creek. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dawson's Creek. Show all posts

Life Lessons for Reality Contestants

Let me first open with a confession, I don't watch much reality television.

I've seen bits and pieces over the years, mainly from when they go over their fricken time slot and I'm waiting for something else to start, other than the MTV series Made which was just amazing.


The one rule is that reality television is built on the power of their contestants tears, one of the issues with last year's Masterchef Australia is that there was more crying than cooking. Leading to two of the most amazing Facebook groups ever: Mastercher- More Cooking, less sooking, and Masterchef: Less Crying, More Frying.


The theme being those tears you see from the contestant, they aren't coming from the onions they are what failure looks like! You keep crying amateur chefs! YOU KEEP CRYING!!


One would think the minute you sign up for a reality show, you realise they will find your soft underbelly and expose it for all it's worth to make you cry and keep on crying on national TV, and if it is really good YouTube sensation.


For example, I am going to make a reality show and I work in TV so I can totally do that.
It's going to look a bit like this:



The series finale, will feature this shot as the winner:



It really hurts me that I get a clip of Dawson, before I get a clip of Pacey, but that clip is a result of Joey dumping Dawson for Pacey, and that is why it is prime position on my "Making Grown Men Cry" Reality Show.


Getting to my point, I was at work the other day and reading the news, as I only do at work, I'm only informed about the world on Mondays and Fridays, I hope the world doesn't end on any other day. I'll be completely unprepared.
So, I was reading the SMH website and I found this article.

For those against clicking links, more power to you. Mel B, of the Spice Girls Fame.
Let's get a picture happening:

Scary Spice living up to the name
It is a bit disturbing that in looking for that photo a lot of pics Mel C came up. Clearly two different people. Pfft...
Let's also get a Flashback happening so we can be fully aware of just who Mel B is and how awesome she is.


As a side note, Dear potential suitors, if you want to be my lover,  please don't get with my friends.

So, that is Mel B, part of one of the most successful girl groups ever and a very important part of my childhood, and let's be honest, if you have Meatloaf driving your bus, you don't have it half bad.

Mel B is currently a judge of Australia's X Factor. A great judge too, she goes straight for the tears, which in the end what makes a great a judge and a great mentor since that's the stuff you need to hear.

So, in the process of judging some dude that was crap in his performance and Mel B rightfully called bullshit.

The dude's response, his name is Luke O'Dell, if anyone cares... No-one? Moving on.
"Mel B just performed on X Factor lol so bad and this lady judged me? She needs a reality check,
  
Number one, she is Mel B, she is a Spice Girl. She has sold more records, DVDs, posters and other general Popstar merch than you will ever see in your life. 
Ultimately, the minute you sign up for a talent show, you are opening yourself to be judged. Not just by very qualified people, such as Mel B, who if anything knows the business and knows what one has to do to make it. 
But you are being judged by absolutely everyone. That's part of the deal. You sell your soul and pay with tears. Basically, the audience doesn't want people to succeed. We want failure. Lots and lots of failure.

Though, at the end of the day, the most offensive part of that statement, ignoring the obvious disrepect, is that you don't need talent to be able to judge and to judge well. 
Just because you can't perform well, which is arguable in a don't you don't be disrespecting no Spice Girl, to be able to judge well. 
Let's look at Simon Cowell. 

Ladies...
We may stop looking now. 
This is the dude that created X Factor and American Idol. 
He judges and is the bitchy judge. He bathes in tears of broken dreams. 
I don't see anyone saying that he can't judge because he can't perform. No, because he will take that person and shatter all their hopes and dreams until the have nothing left. 


Which I'm hoping is Mel B's next plan. 

But the end of the day, if you are going to participate in reality TV. You have sold your soul, you'll cry and you will be judged. Often and for many different reasons.  You will also be called different names.

Apparently Adam

Another one of "those things"

For anyone that has regularly crossed by path know that every now and then I get a revelation, a revelation that will rock my world view to the very core! Of course, the revelations are generally of the most obvious things that once I have realised, I start wording just how stupid I was to think otherwise.

Currently, I can't think of one of my own examples of these so I will just give you one of Caitlin. Oh, Caitlin, poor, poor Caitlin. One of the most intelligent people I know, this intelligence keeps in balance the scale and thus has no common sense. One day I was on the phone to her and she declares to me her musings on the subject of the phrase "digging to China".
She had spent a while pondering the saying because to actually dig to China, from Australia, it would require to go down and then across and not through the centre of the Earth like the saying suggests, then out of no where she made the realisation the "duh moment" that the saying originated in Europe which makes it much more likely to happen.
Thus the achievement of one of "Those moments".

I will even ignore the fact that China and Europe aren't actually antipodes. For those who are curious, if one was to drill a hole through the centre of the Earth starting in Sydney, you'd end up somewhere near Portugal. Ok, you'd end up dead because of the lava but this is the world of hypotheticals! (Interesting note: My dictionary doesn't accept Hypotheticals as a word. A word with no plural, I blame society for making it an acceptable word)

And eventually, I will get to the reason why I am writing about this!
So, I was just talking to Soph (of Elyse and Soph presents fame) about Dawson's Creek. I am continuing my epic journey and have now gotten to Charlie trying to seduce Joey. I hated Charlie BEFORE he cheated on Jen and well, now he cheated on Jen and is going after Joey! AND JOEY HAS NO PROBLEM WITH THIS! In the same episode Audrey says "Bros before hos" and Joey needs to listen man, she needs to listen.
I hate Charlie! Even more than I hate Charlie I hate Chad Michael Murray, I hated him in Gilmore Girls, I hate him in Dawson's Creek, I hated him in the most recent remake of Freaky Friday and I could never bring myself to watch One Tree Hill even though I love angsty teen dramas ( a little late for my tastes, but each to their own) so yeah, Chad Michael Murray, I hate him! I HATE HIM! I particularly hate his hair and attempt at facial hair, but that is a different issue.

As I continued talking to Soph, I established the mean reason I didn't like him. I find him to be a swarmy bastard. In previous conversations it has been stated that Soph kind of enjoys the swarm. Which brings me to the main point of this entire blog! The entire reason of this blog.
Swarm. Apparently not a word. In fact, Soph didn't know what I was talking about! That kind of hurt, so I moved on. I dried my tears and put down my guitar after composing a heart wrenching ballad about how I don't understand the English language and then composed a less heart wrenching blog about how I don't understand the English language.
It came down to this, Swarm vs Smarm.
I looked it up on Urban Dictionary, which when Davey isn't online it is what I use to keep up to date with the hip new slang and these are the hits I got back:
1.
a sleazy, sneaky, sweaty, unscrupulous person.
(Just as I presumed)

2.
Person who is ignorant of the English language misspelling of word SMARMY, which means highly self-satisfied.

Apparently, I meant smarmy, which is also the word that Soph suggested I actually meant. My dictionary didn't pull it up as a mistake (then again update, my dictionary is currently on the fritz because suggestion is a word that I can never spell right. Envelope is my other word that I always spell wrong. Ha. I say that like I'm a good speller. I'm not but I have lots of trouble with those two words).

So yeah, swarmy vs smarmy.
What's the deal?
I have been using swarmy for a while now and really, the smarmy looks like a made up word.
That just could be the influence of the Simpsons (Lousy Smarch weather).

It's one for the ages.
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