The Ramblings of Elyse

Now, surely it should come to no surprise if I have forced you to read this or this, then you will realise I am a great big nerd and a Harry Potter tragic.

Well, I think if you have talked to me in any context you would have realised that I am a massive nerd, I some times think I hide the Harry Potter stuff well.
Except when we talk about Harry Potter and then well, like Clark Kent stripping in a phone booth my nerd comes out. With less stripping. Sorry team.

The final installment of Harry Potter film series came out, well some time ago in terms of the premeire and all that but considering I hate the movies and the crowds, I waited and waited I did and I went tonight to the independent cinema up the mountains. It's just so nice to get out of Sydney to fuel my rage.
I kid, it's like 20 minutes away. But it is a great little theatre and there was like 12 people there so it was awesome.

Now, I feel that before I get my rant underway I should mention a few things.
I will be getting my rant on. That's pretty much why I'm here.
There will be spoilers.
I have strong opinions about what is right and what is very, very wrong.

I started off my journey tonight by putting on my Hufflepuff scarf, no one ever notices it is a Hufflepuff scarf coz my house gets no love, but as I sat in my car outside I realised that the chances of someone in Hufflepuff appearing in the movie was pretty much none existant.
I had seen the seven movies that came before it, I was prepared for everything I love about the Harry Potter world to be spat upon.
That was hyperbole.  It wasn't EVERYTHING, just most things.

Now, let's start with a few things...
I am pretty sure that somewhere through the course of the Harry Potter movies Emma Watson sold her soul or just became corrupted to the world because she has really dead eyes. I mean I am convinced she is dead inside. I don't want to say that, I mean Hermione is my favourite characters from the books. Well, out of the main ones, it is when I make up backstory in my head about others they get taken over but that's not the point. My love for Book Hermione just doesn't transfer well on screen, I don't want to say it is because Emma Watson is dead on the inside, but I'm pretty sure she is dead on the inside.

Knowing my luck someone is going to google "Emma Watson Dead on the Inside" and then come here and that will be awkward. Though, it's ok, I actually googled that and ended up with this and that is way harsher than anything I could ever write.

For anyone that is still reading this and haven't read the book of Deathly Hallows, I must say, good for you, but the book is weirdly paced. It starts off when they rescue Harry from the Dursleys and a chases scene, there there is some stuff in the Burrow and then they go camping for half the book. I mean other stuff happens, but they essentially go camping and then they are captured and Hermione is tortured. This is the first movie and I feel that Hermione was  not tortured enough in the movie but alas, my issues.
The second half, and thus the second movie, it's actually not even half, the camping goes on for fucking ever. It is MONTHS in the timeline of Harry Potter, the final part of the book is like a day.
So, the second half, they plan to break into the wizarding bank and then they go straight to Hogsmeade and Hogwart for Battle.
Leaving the second half of Deathly Hallows to be pretty much all the action sequences. Most of the things from that point are very quick moving, plotwise.

The biggest thing that all the movies don't include is the research and the planning, in the books that is a big deal, the fact that Hermione spends all time in the library researching various things for the end so she has her shit together and can save the day in her very Hermione-eqsue way. Say what you want but so many people would be dead if it weren't for Hermione, I'd start off with Harry on that list, but it also includes Ron, Ginny, Sirius, Buckbeak.... Lots more Harry. In this versions re-read I only got to Prisoner of Azkaban so I can't give a really good and complete list. Now, I'm sure you are saying that Hermione didn't individually save those people, no, I'm not. I'm saying she came through with the vital information or had access to the vital device, which in the case of Sirius and Buckbeak is the TimeTurner.
I mention all of this because there is a whole bunch of planning that goes into the breaking into Gringotts, including Bill warning them that they can't trust the Goblin, but also doesn't feature the conversation of how Ron & Harry had planned to double cross him anyway. All of this information is kind of vital to go into the Gringotts scene and have it make sense. Just coherant sense in terms of a movie, I relied on my knowledge of the book a lot for things to make sense.
Though, they left out the part where the run into a deatheater in Gringotts, Travers I believe, who is going to ruin the plan so they impurious him.


The Gringotts scene is home to my biggest complaint and that is pants in the wizarding world. Seriously, in the books there is all this talk about how wizards really struggle in the Muggle world, much like how muggles would struggle in the wizard world and one of this is how they dress, it has constantly been an issue and in fact the first introduction to the wizarding world in the books is because wizards dress funny.
Do the Gringotts guard look out of place as muggle security guards? NO! There lies the problem!
That and I don't think Goblins would trust wizards enough for security.
As for my wizards in pants issue, I appriecate that most of the death eaters wear proper robes and Kingsley Shacklebolt, he also wears proper robes.  Good man.

I love the dude that plays Aberforth Dumbledore was amazing. It was really too bad that they took out the fact he rescued them and put himself at risk with the patronus and the fact that the whole thing with the Dumbledore family is lost in the plot, when it is kind of important in understanding a lot about Dumbledore, especially why Dumbledore didn't trust himself in going after the Deathly Hallows, then again, there is nothing explained about the Deathly Hallows... Well, that IS annoying. They do seem to realy a lot on the pre-knowledge that has coming with reading the books otherwise things don't make sense.

Ok, so most the stuff previously I've mentioned, I haven't had a real issue with. Except the pants, I have a big issue with that, but it's small things, but you know considering that most of the movie IS a big motherfucking battle, I should talk about that.
Pretty much everything goes to hell with making sense with the book the moment that Harry steps through the door of the Room of Requirement.
They really don't emphasis just the shit that had been happening in Hogwarts, most importantly, in the 7th book it is the time for Neville to shine.
In the begining and throughout most of the books it was always a question on why Neville was sorted itno Gryffindor, the house of the brave, when he seemed anything but. But in the 7th book! That is answered and more! Neville starts a rebellion against Snape and the Carrows, the rebellion is with Ginny and Luna, but Ginny and Luna eventually are taken out of school and kidnapped respectively leaving Neville to fight by himself. The best line Neville gets is "I'm a pure blood, so they won't spill too much of my blood", so he stuck up for everyone and was the leader.
He was just awesome.
Then Harry comes and he is like "I have to do this stuff" and Neville gets his team together to fight with him and cause the distraction, and everyone comes together at that point and thus the fight begins as Harry leaves the Room of Requirement and everyone prepares to fight.
That's not what happened in the movie, it all kind of went all over the place.
Plus, Slytherin were kicked out in the movie, but in the book everyone who was not of age was kicked out. Some stayed, but others did leave. There was a thing about it and how it was like all of Gryffindor, most of Ravenclaw and some of Hufflepuff. But first and foremost the teachers wanted to get the kids especially the young ones out of harms way.
Which was not the case in the movie and everyone just seemed to run around and didn't make sense from many a level.

I guess the biggest thing for me is that it is a Wizard's Duel, a duel is close up. Like with swords or really crappy pistols, but it is one on one close up and trying to attack people. In the movie it seemed like they were artillery shells trying to blow one another up, which just seems like the brutallity of a muggle and not for Wizarding kind.
The thing makes it even make less sense is when in the book Harry and Voldemont are duelling in the Great Hall, while blowing everything the fuck up sort of happened, it wasn't the main attempt, but while that happened duels happened all around them with all sorts of people.
For example, it is Ginny, Luna and Hermione that are fighting with Bellatrix before the infamous "NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!" However, fim version- they are kind of standing around and then Bellatrix walks up casts a curse at Ginny, then Mrs Weasley comes along says her line, they through some spells around and the Bellatrix loses and disappears like she is a fucking vampire on Buffy... What the fuck? SHE's a person! THERE WOULD BE A BODY!
Though, even worst then that, Ginny just kind of stands back and watches, but doesn't look phased on what is happening.

I mean what is wrong with these people with all the death and destruction happening and they just have no reactions and not fighting to saved their loved ones?
Though, the complete underwhelming death of Fred Weasley was just sad, where was George's reaction?
But most importantly, where was the return of Percy that happens just before Fred dies? Percy is in the final battle, coz you see him but no mention of the rift being mended.

Though, the worst of the deaths on having no reaction because of the minor role is that of Tonks. Tonks is a big part in the books, none existant in the movies. Neville non-sensically gives her a shout out in his speech, it's non-sensical because they have NOTHING TO DO WITH ONE ANOTHER! EVER!
That being said, the shot of Lupin and Tonks holding hands as they were dead was the second most heartbreaking scene in the movie. Number one being Snape with the dead body of Lily. Heartbreaking. Weird, but heartbreaking. Not making sense in context but heartbreaking.

Alan Rickman did not wrong as Snape, even though some of the content was weird, he absolutely nailed it. Really wished they would have kept in Dumbledore telling Snape that he disgusts him.

I want to take a moment ot give a special moment for a movie based on half a book with weird pacing to end up giving the movie even weirder pacing. It was a special effort.
It really was just all over the place. Just weird.

This is a moment just to reflect on people that were significant to the whole story but weren't actually featured: Colin Creevy, Denis Creevy, Charlie Weasley, The Bloody Baron, Ginny's Ability to Act, most of the Death Eaters by Name, Phineas Nigellus Black (The Portrait from Grimmuald Place), Dumbledore's Portrait, The Ravenclaw Commonroom, Oliver Wood, Katie Bell, Alicia Spinnet, Angelina Johnson, The Carrows, Hannah Abbott, Justin Finly-Finch, The Centors, Professor Trelawny, Neville's Gran, reinforcements from Hogsmeade, Kreatcher leading the House-elves (which was totally a better way for Hermione and Ron to start making out)

Some of them are actually important to the story, such as the Bloody Baron and the  Grey Lady. Sigh.
Charlie Weasley got no movie love either. What is with that?

Though, I guess they get some leeway in terms of the Ravenclaw Commonroom since they didn't set up the finding of the diadum in Half Blood Prince, like they do in the book.
But it was in the book when going to the Ravenclaw Common Room that I knew I could never been in Ravenclaw since I suck at riddles.

There is just so many weird things they did that I don't understand. It is action based as it is, why so much change?
And my god, how little chemistry do Ginny and Harry have?
That was the most awkward relationship I have EVER seen.
Especially when you compare the dead inside Hermione hug Harry and not in a I totally am going to ravish you in the common room once we get this war over kind of way.
I mean Voldemort hugging Draco was less awkward.

Just weird.
Just a really weird adaption.

Plus, Neville deserves his fucking moment and he didn't get it good like in the books.
And Harry has a fucking invisibility cloak, it is actually really important to the plot and yet, doesn't take it into battle.

These things just don't make sense.
And it hurts my soul, but finally, I can rest because I've seen them all and they all suck.

It has been awhile since my last post, over a year I know. I'm sure it hasn't bothered too many since I did declare I was never writing again. Just how life goes.

Though, I make bold declarations and I followed through somewhat, but every now and then my desire to write overrides many things, upto and including common sense.

However, I have a specific topic to write about today and as a result it made my title much easier to create, which a small but powerful win, if you are me and since quite frankly am me I grant a massive huzzah!

I have a fair few obsessive tendencies and one of these obsessive tendencies involves the Harry Potter Books and the Harry Potter movies namely that for each Harry Potter movie I have read all the books before going to see it. For each movie. I also read each book in the series when a new one came out, as a result I am quite familiar with them, but that is merely back-story, so the most recent has been released. I'm told it will make me angry as a purist of the books or namely as a Neville in the 7th book fan. So new movie means it is time for Elyse's re-read of the book. I have just finished the Prisoner of Azkaban, which I completely forgot that would not be resolved at all if it wasn't for Hermione, adding further proof on how Hermione is the actual hero of the Harry Potter books. Thus is comes to the point of time travel.

Time Travel in fiction, which is a stupid thing to write because Time Travel doesn't exist NOT in fiction, but whatever, Time travel is an interesting thing.
In Prisoner of Azkaban, Hermione and Harry use the Time Turner to go back three hours to save Sirius and Buckbeak.
However, it is established that when the first go through the time that the things that their future selves cause are happening then. So, technically they aren't changing anything but merely making sure what happened actually happened.
In the world of Harry Potter, they do not change the past. They make the past.
It can be easy to skip how McNair, who is the executioner of Buckbeak, throws down the axe into the wood in frustration up finding out that Buckbeak has escaped and can't fulfill his bloodlust for the day, but when it is first mentioned in the first go through time, Hermione hears the sound followed by Hagrid crying, which also happens in the second part of time, that the orders of the ministry have been fulfilled.
The bigger example of this is and the bigger example of the Time Travel Paradox is that Harry saves himself from the Dementors with his patronus. Harry of the first time sees himself, though he thinks it is father at the time before he passes out. Then when we get to future Harry when they are hiding, Harry is all excited that is going to see his dad until the crucial moment he remembers he looks like his dad and say himself.
So, basically with this,  Future Harry doesn't think of saving himself until he realises what he actually saw himself saving himself.
I actually deleted that sentence because it didn't look right, but it is.

Does this mean that it was always going to happen?
Can you actually change the past? The past by definition has already happened, that is what makes it the past but if the past has already happened because for the time traveler it is their present, but it is also the present for the present.

This is the problem with time travel!
You can't change the past because the past is the past and by changing something are you actually changing something or just make your past what it was in the first place or essentially what is meant to be?
Is time travel just a massive deus ex machina?
That time travel itself is what set into motion what?
But time travel it creates this feedback loop and that if you've already changed the past, you haven't changed it at all because it is what it already is.
And if you do change the past, then you have changed the future, and if you change it back far enough, you could wipe out your entire life and if you don't exist in the future then how can you exist in the past?
Or is it the moment that you change a single act you start a different reality and that for every decision each outcome creates a different reality and if you change the reality can you go back?
Which creates far more trouble for the time travel that goes into the future.

Then again, with Back to the Future and how the future changes. It has the side effects of once Marty McFly gets back, the people he knows are not the same people he know. Sure they have the same names and look the same, but they are not the same people.  Experience has a large influence on the type of people we are. People can change by the experiences they have had.
So, when the future does change, how are all the same people there?
There are ways of which things have changed, like his parents not getting together or having different kids because they got together at different times. What does that do to protagonist Marty?

Time Travel stories raise too many questions.
It is making my head hurt.
Much like a real feedback loop.

Titles and names are the two weakest points of my ability as a writer.

Not that I am a great writer by any means, but I am really incapable of thinking up names and titles. When we used to have to do the creative writing part of English exams and have to write whatever the thing was, I'd try to either use first and second person or just look around the room and go on weird associations in my mind to get to names.

What that has to do with anything?

Well, I hate making up titles of blogs. I am just bad at it.

I'll Never Tell is the current song I'm listening. Yes, it is the Once More with Feeling Soundtrack and yes, it IS awesome. Thanks for asking.

So, I'm sure everyone here is thinking, "Why am I reading this again?" "Wow, Elyse, she is super insightful" or "What the fuck you mother fucker! YOU LIED! YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER WRITE AGAIN! How can we trust you again, you fucking motherfucker fucker!"

It might not have involved that much swearing, but I saw [Title of Show] last week and it features lots of swearing. The listening to the original cast recording hasn't helped with my swearing either. 

That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

So yes, yes I did say that I wasn't going to write in here again and for a brief second that was an accurate statement.
I had planned to not write in here ever again.
However, I am not in the  same place as I was last week. I'd go into that more, but you know, that is not a conversation for the blog.
If you'd like to have that conversation. I have never been a particularly hard person to find.
Just saying.


You know, I can't even work out who that is really directed to but I'm sure I'm going to get in trouble for it.

So, I'm back.
I'll come and go, but absolute statements are foolish to make and I try and avoid them as a rule, it just ends badly.

In honour of my glorious return to the blogger realm, I present this clip.
Listen to it. It's good.

Due to a conversation I had last night, I will no longer be writing on here.

You're welcome.

I catch a lot of trains. I do a lot of thinking on them. Strange, strange thoughts.
If you've read my Twitter you might be aware of some of them.

So strange thoughts, trains and the new-ish iPhone have finally combined for some awesome blogging action. And that's my favourite kind of action. Hot.

Now with the train and lack of spell check there is much more chance to see my horrible spelling and that might be a little bit awesome.

I think I need to take awesome off my list of words because i'm overusing and need to move on from the awesome.

My train of thought derailed and I can't even remember vaguly what I was writing about.
It might have just been I'm on a train and am are trend whore with my iPhone.

Mmm trend whore.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I realised something as I started to write a blog post last week and as I watched the Glee finale and the episode of Masterchef that came before it.

Masterchef is a horrible, horrible show. Seriously, stop with the crying.
Though, those people are clearly uncomfortable hugging and it's like the producers are making them do the hugging and that makes me laugh.

That wasn't actually the point, but I realised that I judge television, and well most elements of popular culture just ridiculously harshly.
I like to think I don't do that to real people, but I probably do. I should do it more, I've dreamed of being the judgmental friend. I'd make an awesome judgmental friend. Does anyone need one?

As I sat and watched the Glee Finale that aired in Australia tonight, I started to think about the plot points that annoyed me and put them on Twitter.
There were a lot, so I thought I'd move them to a blog post.
I then recalled what watching TV does to me and decided to create a new segment of my blog for when things strike the mood.

The "Elyse Harshly Judges", I will take suggestions of things that are both bad and good, and I will watch and the judge... harshly.
It seemed like fun at the time.

Now, as a warning, it is in the title, HARSHLY judging. If you disagree, put it in the comments, if you agree put it in the comments.
Seriously, people can you start writing comments, I need some external validation here. I will reply to them.
That being said "Dude, that show was AWESOME" is not a disagreement and it might not necessarily be a view I disagree with, it's the belief that just because I am being mean and pointing out flaws means I can't be a fan and a statement upon which I call bullshit.

But to start off this, I have decided to go with the Glee Finale! 
Huzzah! Glee!

And I don't think I need to add this but...



This is the second time I've seen the episode, the first time was a mysterious event several weeks ago that I can't recall anything about. The second time was this evening when it aired on Channel Ten.

I am trying to remember how it starts. Does it start with the flashback to Puck and Quinn?

Yeah, my memory has been off all day. I'm  hoping I don't get delirious sick again.

I'm glad they did the flashback because they really did needed to show that it wasn't Puck taking advantage of a drunken Quinn.
And I'm just going to put it out there, that in the finale, I do love Quinn and Puck together. Especially at the point where they are standing there looking at the baby. I can buy it, I can completely buy Puck standing there and telling Quinn that he loves her more at that point, I buy it more that if at that point Quinn said she would keep the baby, he'd do anything in his power to try and do right by both of them and it's sweet. Plus, calling the baby Beth, with the song.
Puck as a character, is not a good guy, he is the bad guy and the massive douche, but in moments like that it kind of counter acts it.

So, Puck telling Quinn he loves her, that I love, that I am sold on.
Finn telling Rachel he loves her? No.
Shue telling Emma he loves her? No. No. No. No. No. NO no no no no. NO! NO! No no no NO!
16 noes? Really?

Ok, so the Puck and Quinn part is my favourite part of the episode because basically, I love a bad boy with a heart.
I am trying to think of another fictional example, but I've got nothing, so it might just be Puck.
Oh... Pacey started off as kind of a douche, but he made up for it.
I think Cordy is my Buffy equivalent.

Anyway.
So, my Shue and Emma?
So, Puck is MEANT to be a douche. Will is meant to be a good guy, but is kind of a douche.

My main issue with the whole Emma declaration of love is that she made it quite clear they were over at the begining of the episode and in a previous episode, but dude, she is seeing someone else. THAT WASN'T A SECRET!
Actually, I have multiple issues.
One is a general construct of film and television and that is the grabbing people to make them turn around and listen. I just really don't like that. That's just not cool. It is just such a controlling gesture and it is not something that is going to go places.

And the biggest issue I have, they are in the middle of the school hallway! THE SCHOOL HALLWAY! And are teachers!
Now, I'm old, so I now know way more teachers than students or at least more people studying to be teachers than I know high school students.
But pretty sure you can't go making out with people in the hallway in the middle of the school day.
I was actually going to ask someone but amazingly I had none of those people online.
Ok, there are actually very few people that I'd go "hey, man, you know how you are a teacher or gonna be a teacher, how do you think school policy would go with you having a public display of emotion followed by some making out in the middle of the hallway?" or quad, depending if you had hallways. My school didn't have hallways.

This is a follow on issue, there is so frequently yelling happening in the principal's office, that you can apparently hear while standing in the hallway... that is a major lane of movement for students.
What the hell show?

I can't sustain my disbelief about that.
I spent a lot of time in the office while I was at school, yes I was a trouble maker, surely this isn't news to any one and they tried to minimise the whole "look at me sitting in the office" thing as much as possible, so why go for the glass office show? Why?

I think I've read a fair bit about Sue Sylvester and the saving the Glee, I actually don't have a problem with it and basically it comes down to two things for me and that is to quote Kurt from the previous episode "she's one of us, and no one humiliates her except for us"  and Sue's line that "as an educator" in the judges scene.
That for all the big talk and the heartlessness, which frankly is what makes Glee great, that she is an educator and on some level is in it for the kids and those are layers and I love them. Especially since she never told Will that she voted for New Directions or took the praise from her.

Horrible people who come through in the end work so much better for me than the sanctimonious bullshit from the good guys we are meant to barrack for.


As for the Finn and Rachel I love you, I seriously enjoy the fact she never says anything in return. I think I would have liked it better if there was something with Jesse.
I don't like that there were NO scenes with Jesse and Rachel in the finale.
I don't think Jesse is the villain of the piece. I can accept that he loved Rachel, and Rachel hurt him and he lashed out to hurt her back, maybe I bringing my own belief into that, but it works for me.
I don't see Jesse twirly his mustache or anything.

Oh, Idina, Idina, Idina, I love you, but there are so many aspects of your character that are strange.
You can still have a relationship with Rachel!
It's just different. You tried to find her, and then I think Shue fucked it up by telling her to basically stay away.
But dude, come on!
She is reaching out, don't cut her back like that.
It breaks my Idina loving heart right there.

My biggest issue with the Idina character was actually in last week's episode with the egging of Rachel by Vocal Adrenaline, Idina, that shit shouldn't fly with you!
GO TO TOWN ON THEM! Defend your daughter!

The adopting thing, not much of a problem, just the whole Rachel reaching out, do something with that. Just fucking hug her already!

I do talk about hugging an awful lot. I think you people should just hug me more.
People I know, not random strangers, unless you approach with caution.

Now the moment:
SONG CHOICE!

New Directions or the Glee Kids...
They went with a Journey Medley so we could get a nice line about how life has one real begining and one end and everything else is just middle.
Which is the whole journey part and thus Journey Medley.

Here it is, just because I care about you people.




I think Don't Stop Believing isn't one of their strongest choices.
Though, I really wish they'd do more stuff with harmonies and be more choir like and less solos with back up vocals.
In terms of starting from the back of the room thing "Don't Rain on My Parade" was a better candiate for it and a better song and well, starting at the back of the room is just inconsiderate to your audience.

You only do that with a chorus, so that EVERYONE can see what is happening. Two soloists in the crowd?
OF a two story theatre?
Yeah, fuck off. That's just inconsiderate and not working the crowd or the judges.

I don't like the Journey medley. They could have done better.
Just saying, don't like it.

I do enjoy Santana and Puck getting solos though in Don't Stop Believing but that key change is horrible, just atrocious.
It only goes up one step, but oh em gee... It just doesn't work and I can't even work out why, I just do not care much for it. Stop with the key change.

That and they look like they are having fun, which is was a big part of their schtick and seriously, they are having an awesome time.


Now onwards to Jesse St James and his Funky Bunch.



That isn't a choir. This one is completely just Jesse and backup singers.
Now, I'm not sure about Glee and Lip syncing, I'm going with yes because I've watched television before but will happily admit to being wrong but I just doubt it and I don't have an issue with it, it's only if they were performing live where I have that issue but whatever.

The lip syncing was just off, so it made it really obvious.
That and the choregraphy with the throwing around just annoys me, it's like hairography or we just cast Rob Mills to play Fieryo and need to do something to make up for his lack of actual talent so we'll make him run around a stage.

I don't think it should have won a choir competition because it wasn't a choir.
I was surprised they went with the full length of the song, but it was cut with Quinn so it made sense, I thought it was time cut, but apparently not.

I would have preferred shorter song and some kind of scene with Rachel and Jesse because come on! COME ON! You can't just go declaration of love from Finn and then starring kind of longingly at Jesse and then I get no emotional resolution for that. Bah!
Curses to you show! CURSES TO You!

That and Jonathon Groff just can not do that ending and it killed me for it, the American accent really came through and it is just not how it goes.

Too much screaming on the high notes too. Mr Groff, you are no Freddie Mercury.
VA, you are no rest of Queen.
There are ready made harmonies there! USE THEM! Embrace them!

Where did the crowd even get the glow sticks?


The non-competition stuff.


Ultimately, I felt this episode just wanted to make me cry.
For the record it didn't, on that same record, I have no issues admitting to things that make me cry: Montages to Sarah McLachlan (Becoming Part 2, Toy Story 2), the Dawson's Creek Finale, A League of Their Own, Lexi, Cordy's farewell scene in You're Welcome, Toy Story 3.

They tried so hard and threw everything there, but alas, show, you tried too hard and I saw what you were doing.


I really hope that it is Burt Hummel that taught Finn what it meant to be a man, because I think Shue is kind of douche (especially to Emma), where as Burt is just all kinds of awesome... Especially to Kurt and well, to Finn as well.




So that's the Glee kids singing to Shue... While Sue looks on!
That's just straight song, obviously.

I was mainly excited that Other Asian and Shaft got lines!

Overall, it didn't blow me away.
Too much going on and not enough resolved.
The song choices were not the greatest, but I did like that the judges portraying themselves were arseholes. That is a little bit awesome right there.

My favourite thing to happen was the fact they didn't win, basically, in reality, they wouldn't have. I know it's boring TV, but they would have spent weeks, if not months rehearsing their set and getting it perfect and mastering.
However, Television makes it hard because no one wants to see that, but since I'm taking it into consideration.

I don't think I judged harshly enough.
I'll work on it.

Wow, my spelling is atrocious. Or as spell check is advising my spelling is also atrocious- attractions and ferocious.
You know it spell check, you know it.

One day I would write something and have it untempered by spell check but I reached my shame quota yesterday when I took my glasses to get fixed and was judged harshly by how ferociously dirty they were and now I'm just hoping they don't appear on Miss Addict's Twitter feed.

The 2nd of July was last week, which means I'm about a week late with my Inadvertently Ask Elyse section, which was called something completely different last month, due to the terrible spelling created by Elyse. 

Now for those who don't know, what Inadvertently Ask Elyse is, it is where I find the searches from Google that have lead people to this very blog, and then answer them as if they were actually asking the question.

1. Car Hugs

This would be a hug, in a car.
It's not for the amateur hugger.

Now the first question, is this a legimite hug or do you want to go into the canoodling territory?

When I discussed this with the aforementioned Miss Addict, whose internet pseudonym is really annoying to type, she informed me that I had thought about this too much....
Oh that wasn't relevant, she also mentioned that it also depends if clothes are on or off, but you know, I think that is delving very far away from the hugging part.

In terms of canoodling, go with both parties in the backseat, because otherwise that shit gets uncomfortable really quickly.

So, with hugs...
First, what kind of hug?
Because the comforting hug because someone in the car is having an emotional breakdown, very difficult.
Especially, if the person having the breakdown is the driver.
Now, if YOU do feel a need to hug the Crying Driver, make sure the car is in a stationary position, so no one dies. This is an important factor. No death is good, just as a rule.

As a rule, the car is not a good place for the really long hug, if you want to go for that long, kind of awkward for the other people in car kind of hug, get out of the fucking car and hug OUTSIDE the car. Preferably far from the car, so the others in the car talk about how weird a situation that was.
That's just polite.

Ok, so, you are saying your farewells to the other four people in the car.
Since there are four people in the car, and let's just assume that as hugger you are in the back, so, the person in the middle seat is going to be the easiest to hug and it will also be the least awkward.
I'm talking physical position, I'm not sure what kind of emotional attachment there is to that person, who knows, it could be the person you are madly in love with, that everyone knows in an open secret kind of way, who slept with your sister, bestie and boyf last week... Because nothing is helping THAT awkward.  There is also a KT FML in there. 

Now, of the awkward person in the middle, unless you are sitting in their lap, the other side just ain't getting hugged.

To hug the person in front of you, you are hugging the seat as well, be careful of the neck in that, because there can be choking and while some people are into that kind of thing, they might not like it at that point in time.
Other people may freak out and then there will be tears and a shouting match and Oh em gee, how awkward do you want this car trip to be?

Then there is the other person in the front, basically you go through the space in the middle and there is some weird stretching and turning. Not reccommended for people with bad backs and who will whinge about the pain.

There is also the "Drive Thru" Car Hug, which is through the window. This really only works with kind of little people/small children.

Basically, there are many factors to a car hug, you need to find which one works best for you in terms of the situation, the car and the people you'll be hugging.


2. Collegehumor Literal Songs

While I'm going to enjoy the fact that you got here by searching for an ACTUAL website.

Though, all of that being said, I didn't go to College and thus, don't have that kind of humour.
It saddens me too.

It probably saddens me all the more.


3. One Sided Hug- Good or Bad


That's a pretty big question.
Now, there are some variables?

The most important being- Do you feel that front hugging is sinning and needs to be avoided at all times?
Because that would mean "bad", unless you are a rebel.

Some examples of bad times to go for the side hug:






That right there is a please hug me and not on the side for I can drop this Fake Hyde Park Fountain at any stage as I mock this person at my feet.

Celebrate my victory with a proper hug!

Huzzah!










I think in that photo I am almost doing jazz hands...



You want to end a hockey fight with a front hug.
These side hugs are not really a "I'm sorry that the crowd loves this so much" kind of hug.




When teaching someone how to putt in a creepy manner, it should never be done on the side.



When boxing, it's best to go for a front hug, because it allows better access to the ribs to punch them.










When the side hug IS appropriate:



When posing with a musical instrument











When playing Rugby League









When you've just won a Gold
Medal

















When Posing for a photo

Yeah, I DO wish I were Canadian, is it obvious?

And yes, that was a poor example, but I realised I was going to use a photo with another person and without permission and felt bad, so I should be hugging that giant bear...














So side hugs, they are good or bad depending on the situation.

You should always approach with caution and use your best judgment.

4. The Ramblings of Elyse

That's where I ramble and someone can't find the direct link...
Or needs to follow me on twitter...


5. What's the Equivalent of a Hug?

According to Pushing Daisies it is the emotional Hemlich. Someone puts your arms around you and give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come out your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breathe again.



A hug's a hug man.
Though, if we look towards our Christian Side Hugging friends, as I often do, then hug is just euphemism for sex.
So, it really depends what kind of hug you want. The sexual hug, the side hug, the car hug, the hug with the screaming that you haven;t seen someone for ages (it's a personal favourite of mine), the man hug, the hug with the unwillingly participant, the awkward hug, the sandwich hug.

I had a hug with my Scooby Gang once. That was interesting coz it was 4 people, and I think some people were sitting down at a table and one person ran and joined in from the other side because they felt left out.
It was a touching moment.

But basically, question asker, a hug is a hug.
Go with the dictionary meaning: squeeze someone tightly in one's arms to typically express affection.


Seriously, hugs and literal songs...
You'd think it was the only things I ever wrote about...

Now loyal readers, I am taking you in my arms to squeeze to express my affection.

til next time!
Elyse