The Ramblings of Elyse

It is now time for my favourite thing ever to write! Yay! Favourites!



It is time for Inadvertently Ask Elyse, where I take all the people who have stumbled upon my blog with their questions and answer them like they were actually asking me.

I can only hope that I have taught people the value of the side hug and the most appropriate places to side hug (with photos!) 

And since the last Inadvertently Ask Elyse was here and that was like a year ago, I have a lot to catch up on.
I do know that the most frequent search request I get is about kid goats and I have that covered for all you goat lovers out there. Read that and look at the cute pictures of goats.
With a closer inspection, not only is the kid goat number one my searches, it also appears another 11 times within the list of searches.

Where is all this goat loving coming from?
I think I've doomed my internet writing career to goats and hugs.

You know, I don't have a problem with this.

Should we move onwards because I do have a lot of stuff to write about hugs.

One Sided Hugs
The first thing we need to clarify with the one sided hug is do you mean that it is emotionally only one sided. The longing hug you give when you are madly in love with the person you are hugging but they are just hugging you in a platonic manner, or the "I'm hugging you, why aren't you hugging me?" 
Like this:

The wolf is not enjoying the bear hug.

The alternative is that it is just a two person side hug, which means that only one side is involved.

You can also have a situation that combines the two:

I actually stole this photo. Which is the only reason I included it.

Side Hug From A Guy

I can only assume if you are getting a side hug from a guy are concerned about it, you have seen this and you are just doing your Christian duty, so you keep up the good work until there is a ring on that finger.

The Christian Side Hug is never not funny.

Side Hugs are For Friends
Woah, step back there.
Side Hugs are for EVERYONE!

Ramblings of Elyse
That's me!
In fact, this search might have been mean...
Apparently I suck at answering my own questions. Oh... well... Moving along!

When writing songs don't be literal
This is a hard one, since I do listen to a lot of musicals and when you are writing an exposition song, which is a very important part of writing songs to a musical, you need to go the literal place. If all your exposition is in metaphor then your plot becomes like the wind and hard to see, you can feel it in places but it is just all over the places.
See what I did there?
I doubt it because that wasn't a metaphor, it was a simile.
There is a place for metaphors, simile, euphemisms and other ways to talk around things. Yeah, we get you are trying to woo the man or woman of your choice through song, but you can just put it straight out there and it works or you can go straight up confusing metaphor.  

Just try and remember what words actually mean.


"a short poem or other set of words set to music or meant to be sung"
What is a ballad?

"leave our boats behind"
I know this as a song that is the Galilee Song, however, that is not as fun.

This is what I would yell across that sea as my pirate saying, and then if they didn't leave their boats behind, I'd shoot cannons and force them do so and then those boats would be mine. Muwhahahahaha!

Are literal versions of songs real?
They are real in the terms at they exist as a piece of music, but they are not performed by the people who wrote the original song, nor are they the same lyrics. Naturally, this is what makes it funny.
But why would that stop it from being real?

Best literal version of song
Total Eclipse of the Heart, without a doubt. I would link but it is no longer available in my country and I just died on the inside.

Buffy lore crosses
The cross in Buffy is used as a repellent against vampires, it doesn't actually kill them it merely burns them and while the vampire doesn't like it, they can stand it in situations such as at the end of the Buffy episode Angel where Angel and Buffy kiss and Buffy is wearing a cross necklace, the one she got from Angel in Welcome the Hellmouth, and when she leaves there is a close up of Angel's chest which features the burnmark of the cross.
In most cases it works to repeal, but in the case of vampire nutbags such as Kralik from Helpless who kind of digs the pain, but you know nutbag.

The cross is also used in rituals such as the vampire uninvited spell that requires hanging of the cross. I believe in traditional vampire law the cross is representative of the faith of the person wielding it and that is where the power comes from, so it is debatable whether a Star of David would have the same effect for someone that is Jewish, such as Willow in the world of Buffy. It is worth mentioning that since when Willow is putting up the cross she makes a comment about how her Jewish dad is not likely to be happy. 
As the series progresses vampires become less and less prominent as villains and as a result there is less and less cross play in Buffy.

Can a hug be assault
Yes, it can, but I'm pretty sure at that point we wouldn't call it a hug.
The best example of this would be the bear hug, which is an actual attack move, as well as a particularly strong hug.
There is a fine line in some cases and it comes down to intent.
Also, good life advice: Don't hug real bears. Even the wolves don't like it.

Don't Stop Believing Australia Rob Mills
No, Australia, please stop believing in Rob Mills. Go away Millsy! GO AWAY!!


Elyse Fillion
That is who I would be if I married Nathan Fillion, and last time I checked that wasn't in the cards. I wouldn't say no, but you know, just gotta wait for that one.
Sorry Taylor.


Elyse needs
Oh, I need so many things... So, so many things.
I think I might start with Nathan Fillion to call me.


I just want to know why so many people are googling hugging?
Really?
Though, I like to consider myself an internet hugging authority.

It is amazing how often I stop and think to myself "I can't believe I just wrote that", the title of this today's blog is another case of this. You would think that the amount of crap I talk I would get over it, but some times it just seems weird to me.

However, it is my duty to preserve on in this challenge.

I have always tried within this blog to keep up some consistency and create themes and the creation of a cohesive unit, it very rarely works, but since that is just how I operate then we all have to deal. Or mainly, you have to deal. It doesn't effect me all that much since I'm not actually reading the blog. Maybe I should start doing that to make my writing better, yeah?
Moving on, but one of the ways I wanted to do that was to create a regular segment of Inadvertently Ask Elyse.
As a side note, today I discovered that I mispelt inadvertently incorrectly in that post I linked and I only discovered because in my labeling I had it there twice.
I probably should do short posts about Elyse's misadventures in writing and mistakes that I can't see until it is obviously pointed out. (If anyone wants that, tell me and I will, after all I do take requests).

Ok, so Inadvertently Ask Elyse is looking at the searches people have done in Google to get into my blog and taking those and answering those inquiries as if they were asking me. It combines two of my favourite things- Google and being a smartarse, I mean just thrown in some schnitzel with noodles and brown paper packages tied up with string and it is the best day ever. It would make me sing in the mountains.

And with that super smooth segue, let's take a musical interlude:


The point of that?
So, I was researching for my next Inadvertently Ask Elyse and because of my year long hiatus, I looked at it for the entire year, the number one search "kid goat".

Which looks a little like this:


I just added that because kids are super cute. Seriously, look at that goat! Super cute! You are kidding if you disagree! I mean, imagine the bill for that!
That billy goat joke didn't quite work, I will also keep a hold on my goat puns.

So, the most frequent search, "kid goat" and it is the most by a lot, about triple the searches of number two most frequent search which is "side hug", as it should rightfully be. This seemed quite unusual, so I did research.
My research started with Google and typed in "kid goat", maybe for some reason people don't talk about kid goats on the internet and my blog ends up on the first couple of pages.

It doesn't.
I could have kept looking, but dude, after 6 pages on Google looking for myself it started to seem a little weird.
Next path was to see just how often I talk about goats, which is most likely a you're kidding me, when talking about goats (or small children... more often goats though).
Goat only appears once in my blog. In the Inadvertently Ask Elyse that I linked at the beginning of the page talking about goats. I swear it is like I entered the Google version of the Time Loop Paradox.


Apparently, out in my very small part of the internet, I have created a safe haven for those who want to search for baby goats, and I say more power to you.

Now, only if people want to give side hugs to kid goats then that is the ultimate way for me to increase my traffic flow.

Just as a tip, if you do plan to hug a goat, it would be best hugging technique to go for a side hug, or at least a half side hug. A half side hug being where one half of the hug is on the side, that would be the goat.
So here is the half side goat hug:

As you can see, the dude there is front hugging, while the goat is in a side hug.

Now, just for the cutest thing I could have stolen to demonstrate a Kid Goat Side Hug:

Excuse me, I need to go break into a farm to hold a goat now.
Wish me luck!


The hugging goat photos I stole from here. It features lots of people hugging goats. Good people.

Wow, my spelling is atrocious. Or as spell check is advising my spelling is also atrocious- attractions and ferocious.
You know it spell check, you know it.

One day I would write something and have it untempered by spell check but I reached my shame quota yesterday when I took my glasses to get fixed and was judged harshly by how ferociously dirty they were and now I'm just hoping they don't appear on Miss Addict's Twitter feed.

The 2nd of July was last week, which means I'm about a week late with my Inadvertently Ask Elyse section, which was called something completely different last month, due to the terrible spelling created by Elyse. 

Now for those who don't know, what Inadvertently Ask Elyse is, it is where I find the searches from Google that have lead people to this very blog, and then answer them as if they were actually asking the question.

1. Car Hugs

This would be a hug, in a car.
It's not for the amateur hugger.

Now the first question, is this a legimite hug or do you want to go into the canoodling territory?

When I discussed this with the aforementioned Miss Addict, whose internet pseudonym is really annoying to type, she informed me that I had thought about this too much....
Oh that wasn't relevant, she also mentioned that it also depends if clothes are on or off, but you know, I think that is delving very far away from the hugging part.

In terms of canoodling, go with both parties in the backseat, because otherwise that shit gets uncomfortable really quickly.

So, with hugs...
First, what kind of hug?
Because the comforting hug because someone in the car is having an emotional breakdown, very difficult.
Especially, if the person having the breakdown is the driver.
Now, if YOU do feel a need to hug the Crying Driver, make sure the car is in a stationary position, so no one dies. This is an important factor. No death is good, just as a rule.

As a rule, the car is not a good place for the really long hug, if you want to go for that long, kind of awkward for the other people in car kind of hug, get out of the fucking car and hug OUTSIDE the car. Preferably far from the car, so the others in the car talk about how weird a situation that was.
That's just polite.

Ok, so, you are saying your farewells to the other four people in the car.
Since there are four people in the car, and let's just assume that as hugger you are in the back, so, the person in the middle seat is going to be the easiest to hug and it will also be the least awkward.
I'm talking physical position, I'm not sure what kind of emotional attachment there is to that person, who knows, it could be the person you are madly in love with, that everyone knows in an open secret kind of way, who slept with your sister, bestie and boyf last week... Because nothing is helping THAT awkward.  There is also a KT FML in there. 

Now, of the awkward person in the middle, unless you are sitting in their lap, the other side just ain't getting hugged.

To hug the person in front of you, you are hugging the seat as well, be careful of the neck in that, because there can be choking and while some people are into that kind of thing, they might not like it at that point in time.
Other people may freak out and then there will be tears and a shouting match and Oh em gee, how awkward do you want this car trip to be?

Then there is the other person in the front, basically you go through the space in the middle and there is some weird stretching and turning. Not reccommended for people with bad backs and who will whinge about the pain.

There is also the "Drive Thru" Car Hug, which is through the window. This really only works with kind of little people/small children.

Basically, there are many factors to a car hug, you need to find which one works best for you in terms of the situation, the car and the people you'll be hugging.


2. Collegehumor Literal Songs

While I'm going to enjoy the fact that you got here by searching for an ACTUAL website.

Though, all of that being said, I didn't go to College and thus, don't have that kind of humour.
It saddens me too.

It probably saddens me all the more.


3. One Sided Hug- Good or Bad


That's a pretty big question.
Now, there are some variables?

The most important being- Do you feel that front hugging is sinning and needs to be avoided at all times?
Because that would mean "bad", unless you are a rebel.

Some examples of bad times to go for the side hug:






That right there is a please hug me and not on the side for I can drop this Fake Hyde Park Fountain at any stage as I mock this person at my feet.

Celebrate my victory with a proper hug!

Huzzah!










I think in that photo I am almost doing jazz hands...



You want to end a hockey fight with a front hug.
These side hugs are not really a "I'm sorry that the crowd loves this so much" kind of hug.




When teaching someone how to putt in a creepy manner, it should never be done on the side.



When boxing, it's best to go for a front hug, because it allows better access to the ribs to punch them.










When the side hug IS appropriate:



When posing with a musical instrument











When playing Rugby League









When you've just won a Gold
Medal

















When Posing for a photo

Yeah, I DO wish I were Canadian, is it obvious?

And yes, that was a poor example, but I realised I was going to use a photo with another person and without permission and felt bad, so I should be hugging that giant bear...














So side hugs, they are good or bad depending on the situation.

You should always approach with caution and use your best judgment.

4. The Ramblings of Elyse

That's where I ramble and someone can't find the direct link...
Or needs to follow me on twitter...


5. What's the Equivalent of a Hug?

According to Pushing Daisies it is the emotional Hemlich. Someone puts your arms around you and give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come out your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breathe again.



A hug's a hug man.
Though, if we look towards our Christian Side Hugging friends, as I often do, then hug is just euphemism for sex.
So, it really depends what kind of hug you want. The sexual hug, the side hug, the car hug, the hug with the screaming that you haven;t seen someone for ages (it's a personal favourite of mine), the man hug, the hug with the unwillingly participant, the awkward hug, the sandwich hug.

I had a hug with my Scooby Gang once. That was interesting coz it was 4 people, and I think some people were sitting down at a table and one person ran and joined in from the other side because they felt left out.
It was a touching moment.

But basically, question asker, a hug is a hug.
Go with the dictionary meaning: squeeze someone tightly in one's arms to typically express affection.


Seriously, hugs and literal songs...
You'd think it was the only things I ever wrote about...

Now loyal readers, I am taking you in my arms to squeeze to express my affection.

til next time!
Elyse