The Ramblings of Elyse

Wow, my spelling is atrocious. Or as spell check is advising my spelling is also atrocious- attractions and ferocious.
You know it spell check, you know it.

One day I would write something and have it untempered by spell check but I reached my shame quota yesterday when I took my glasses to get fixed and was judged harshly by how ferociously dirty they were and now I'm just hoping they don't appear on Miss Addict's Twitter feed.

The 2nd of July was last week, which means I'm about a week late with my Inadvertently Ask Elyse section, which was called something completely different last month, due to the terrible spelling created by Elyse. 

Now for those who don't know, what Inadvertently Ask Elyse is, it is where I find the searches from Google that have lead people to this very blog, and then answer them as if they were actually asking the question.

1. Car Hugs

This would be a hug, in a car.
It's not for the amateur hugger.

Now the first question, is this a legimite hug or do you want to go into the canoodling territory?

When I discussed this with the aforementioned Miss Addict, whose internet pseudonym is really annoying to type, she informed me that I had thought about this too much....
Oh that wasn't relevant, she also mentioned that it also depends if clothes are on or off, but you know, I think that is delving very far away from the hugging part.

In terms of canoodling, go with both parties in the backseat, because otherwise that shit gets uncomfortable really quickly.

So, with hugs...
First, what kind of hug?
Because the comforting hug because someone in the car is having an emotional breakdown, very difficult.
Especially, if the person having the breakdown is the driver.
Now, if YOU do feel a need to hug the Crying Driver, make sure the car is in a stationary position, so no one dies. This is an important factor. No death is good, just as a rule.

As a rule, the car is not a good place for the really long hug, if you want to go for that long, kind of awkward for the other people in car kind of hug, get out of the fucking car and hug OUTSIDE the car. Preferably far from the car, so the others in the car talk about how weird a situation that was.
That's just polite.

Ok, so, you are saying your farewells to the other four people in the car.
Since there are four people in the car, and let's just assume that as hugger you are in the back, so, the person in the middle seat is going to be the easiest to hug and it will also be the least awkward.
I'm talking physical position, I'm not sure what kind of emotional attachment there is to that person, who knows, it could be the person you are madly in love with, that everyone knows in an open secret kind of way, who slept with your sister, bestie and boyf last week... Because nothing is helping THAT awkward.  There is also a KT FML in there. 

Now, of the awkward person in the middle, unless you are sitting in their lap, the other side just ain't getting hugged.

To hug the person in front of you, you are hugging the seat as well, be careful of the neck in that, because there can be choking and while some people are into that kind of thing, they might not like it at that point in time.
Other people may freak out and then there will be tears and a shouting match and Oh em gee, how awkward do you want this car trip to be?

Then there is the other person in the front, basically you go through the space in the middle and there is some weird stretching and turning. Not reccommended for people with bad backs and who will whinge about the pain.

There is also the "Drive Thru" Car Hug, which is through the window. This really only works with kind of little people/small children.

Basically, there are many factors to a car hug, you need to find which one works best for you in terms of the situation, the car and the people you'll be hugging.


2. Collegehumor Literal Songs

While I'm going to enjoy the fact that you got here by searching for an ACTUAL website.

Though, all of that being said, I didn't go to College and thus, don't have that kind of humour.
It saddens me too.

It probably saddens me all the more.


3. One Sided Hug- Good or Bad


That's a pretty big question.
Now, there are some variables?

The most important being- Do you feel that front hugging is sinning and needs to be avoided at all times?
Because that would mean "bad", unless you are a rebel.

Some examples of bad times to go for the side hug:






That right there is a please hug me and not on the side for I can drop this Fake Hyde Park Fountain at any stage as I mock this person at my feet.

Celebrate my victory with a proper hug!

Huzzah!










I think in that photo I am almost doing jazz hands...



You want to end a hockey fight with a front hug.
These side hugs are not really a "I'm sorry that the crowd loves this so much" kind of hug.




When teaching someone how to putt in a creepy manner, it should never be done on the side.



When boxing, it's best to go for a front hug, because it allows better access to the ribs to punch them.










When the side hug IS appropriate:



When posing with a musical instrument











When playing Rugby League









When you've just won a Gold
Medal

















When Posing for a photo

Yeah, I DO wish I were Canadian, is it obvious?

And yes, that was a poor example, but I realised I was going to use a photo with another person and without permission and felt bad, so I should be hugging that giant bear...














So side hugs, they are good or bad depending on the situation.

You should always approach with caution and use your best judgment.

4. The Ramblings of Elyse

That's where I ramble and someone can't find the direct link...
Or needs to follow me on twitter...


5. What's the Equivalent of a Hug?

According to Pushing Daisies it is the emotional Hemlich. Someone puts your arms around you and give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come out your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breathe again.



A hug's a hug man.
Though, if we look towards our Christian Side Hugging friends, as I often do, then hug is just euphemism for sex.
So, it really depends what kind of hug you want. The sexual hug, the side hug, the car hug, the hug with the screaming that you haven;t seen someone for ages (it's a personal favourite of mine), the man hug, the hug with the unwillingly participant, the awkward hug, the sandwich hug.

I had a hug with my Scooby Gang once. That was interesting coz it was 4 people, and I think some people were sitting down at a table and one person ran and joined in from the other side because they felt left out.
It was a touching moment.

But basically, question asker, a hug is a hug.
Go with the dictionary meaning: squeeze someone tightly in one's arms to typically express affection.


Seriously, hugs and literal songs...
You'd think it was the only things I ever wrote about...

Now loyal readers, I am taking you in my arms to squeeze to express my affection.

til next time!
Elyse