The Ramblings of Elyse

Hello, I'm Elyse and I'm a commuter.

I take public transport a lot. Like a lot. Mainly trains, used to be fair bit of buses, but mainly trains.

Unlike on the roads, with those drivers, we commuters don't have any written rules or actual laws. It is chaos out there! SHEER CHAOS!

And that's where I have decided to write about the rules of the commuter.

This isn't just about "I'm on a train? What of it?" This is also about those times when you are standing at a door and think "I wonder if there are rules about this?" and the answer is "YES! MOVE OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY"

So first up, the laws of the commuter.

1. They are called headphones. Invest in them, no one wants to hear your music no matter how "good" you think your music, it's not. This is not a discotheque, just stop it. My murderous train rampage will be started when I'm sitting on a train and then some douche without headphones is all "Check out the awesome Beatles Song", Helter Skelter starts and so does my murderous rampage.

2. The seats. If I am going to have to climb over you, I take no responsibility, if I a) lose balance and end up in your lap, b) stand on your foot, which may lead to point a and finally, I have a messenger bag... It can be heavy, it can hit you in the face.

These three things can be solved quite easily if you either move over or get up and let me in.

3. Personal hygiene. It's close quarters in there, often without windows. Just for the love of god, do something about it.
Or follow these simply rhyming rules: No Reeking, No Streaking.

Which follows nicely, the train is not the place for personal hygiene things. DO NOT SPRAY DEODORANT!
Seriously, close quarters with no windows. Who does that? Fuckers.
Cutting of nails or anything like that. Not the place of the train.
Just for the record, I personally don't have issues with putting make up on the train, since I understand the value of sleeping in, but don't get shitty at people who knock you and all that. You take the risk, gotta deal with the consequences.

4. Doors!
People get off the train first. Let people GET OFF THE TRAIN FIRST!
It creates better flow of traffic and more room.
If the train is packed and you are sitting on the stairs or standing in the foyer type thing, you may just have to get off the train and stand on the platform to wait for people to get off so you are not standing in the way.

People want to get off the train, you are in the way, if you get taken out, bitch, you probably deserved it.

5. Unwanted conversation.
Don't start conversations with me on the train.
I'm not a people friendly person. The train is for quiet conversation with people they know, reading, listening music through headphones and sleeping. Ok, I guess, some people do work on their laptops or watch DVDs, but these are quiet activities.

As a general rule, listening to music on your iPod or personal music device while talking to other people is exceptionally rude and shouldn't be done.

6. School kids... We hate you. Accept this, one day you'll be us and hate the next generation of school kids and the answer is yes, you were once that annoying and obnoxious. Just shut up already.

Which conveniently brings me to my next point. Doorways.

The rule of doorways... People who are getting out, have right of way. Trains, buses, elevators, classrooms. LET THE PEOPLE GO!
Then you enter.
This is the golden rule of doors.

The second golden rule of doors, is don't stand in them.
Oh, you smoke?
That's great, smoke somewhere that is not in the FUCKING DOORWAY!
People need to go in and out, and if I have my guitar case on me, I'm not going to take any prisoners.

My main issue of the day, is get out of the way of door ways.

Some general rules of commuting and walking in crowded areas:
*Stay to the left, unless over taking.
*Don't stop suddenly otherwise some people are gonna fall like dominoes and there will be tears and violence and it won't be pretty.
*If people are running, not jogging, but running coz they are running late or the like, they should dodge and weave, but it's good practice to get the fuck out of the way, because they'll hit you and fuck you up.

I believe this concludes my rant.

Just stay out of the fucking doorways, and we'll be sweet.