Tattoo Fears

Yesterday, I spent my day being stabbed multiple times in the wrist.

Yes, an oddly specific place, but what actually happened is I got a new tattoo.

Here is a picture!

Yep, that's a close up of my wrist. Be jealous.

See, that is pretty cool but I am deeply concerned about what this means for me.
You see, this is not my first tattoo.

No, I got my first tattoo in February, 2005. That date is important to note.
This is my first tattoo:

I apologise for the crappy photo, that is a tattoo on my back with a photo I took myself using my laptop, thus very hard to be able to get the pose right.

Yes, the Southern Cross.
I am Australian, it's on our flag. I was clearly a very patriotic 18 year old.

The thing is, that in December 2005, Australia saw this little thing called "The Cronulla Riots." Kind of after that a lot of people got their Aussie pride on and started getting Southern Cross Tattoos and by "Aussie Pride", I mean in a very unwelcoming, the get the fuck out of my country kind of way and now as a result, I come across as a racist bogan. This is a great article that sums up my plight.

That happened after I got my last lot of ink, so now it is up for me to speculate what is going to happen to make me come across as a horrible person this time.

To start off with it is a Raven.

So what could happen?
A bunch of very eager Edgar Allen Poe fans could go on a murder spree of literary proportions leaving a picture of a raven as Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore".

The Raven itself is actually off the crest of the Ravenclaw emblem (That is not why I got it, it is just the bird I liked).
So, what could happen?
A Bunch of Crazed Ravenclaw fans fed up with the fact people don't know who is there house, some people know Luna Lovegood, but really? Loony?
And then that Harlot Cho Chang! What about the rest of the learned house of Ravenclaw?
In an effort to create more Hogwarts related publicity for those of the Ravenclaw House, people start to take over English parliament and get rid of all lion related material and destroy it!
I was going to suggest ransacking bookstores, but I don't think a Ravenclaw would do that.


It is a black bird, and yes, I did get the tattoo for the song Blackbird by the Beatles and yes, I am aware a blackbird is a type of bird, but I just like the look of ravens... Stop judging me.
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So, what could happen?
Some enraged Beatles fans fed up with terrible covers of Blackbird, decide to make those who commit such atrocities in one of two ways, breaking their arms (Yeah, take THOSE broken wings and learn to fly) or poking their eyes out in a violent manner (Yeah, take those sunken eyes and learn to see now, huh buddy? HUH BUDDY?).
Yeah, those people will be waiting for a long while for their moment to be free.

I was told that Ravens are a symbol for Wiccans. A powerful magickal creature able to go through to do the different worlds.
Do you know who that could appeal to? Disenfranchised youth looking for something to associate, call their own and be able to give some kind of power... THE POWER TO DESTROY LIVES! Leaving pictures of the Raven at crime sites painted in blood.

That was a gross imagery, but would still make me look bad.

Blackbirds are plaguing some kind of area and in response farmers plan to wage war on them, only for some fans of the blackbird to defend them. The Blackbird riots cause damage to crops and start a food shortage. People starve! It's chaos... While the Raven croaks nevermore...

So, there are my scenarios for future world events that are going to combine to portray me the worst light humanly possible.

Dear Elyse's Karma,
I don't need you help to make me look bad.
I got that covered.


Life Lessons for Reality Contestants

Let me first open with a confession, I don't watch much reality television.

I've seen bits and pieces over the years, mainly from when they go over their fricken time slot and I'm waiting for something else to start, other than the MTV series Made which was just amazing.

The one rule is that reality television is built on the power of their contestants tears, one of the issues with last year's Masterchef Australia is that there was more crying than cooking. Leading to two of the most amazing Facebook groups ever: Mastercher- More Cooking, less sooking, and Masterchef: Less Crying, More Frying.

The theme being those tears you see from the contestant, they aren't coming from the onions they are what failure looks like! You keep crying amateur chefs! YOU KEEP CRYING!!

One would think the minute you sign up for a reality show, you realise they will find your soft underbelly and expose it for all it's worth to make you cry and keep on crying on national TV, and if it is really good YouTube sensation.

For example, I am going to make a reality show and I work in TV so I can totally do that.
It's going to look a bit like this:

The series finale, will feature this shot as the winner:

It really hurts me that I get a clip of Dawson, before I get a clip of Pacey, but that clip is a result of Joey dumping Dawson for Pacey, and that is why it is prime position on my "Making Grown Men Cry" Reality Show.

Getting to my point, I was at work the other day and reading the news, as I only do at work, I'm only informed about the world on Mondays and Fridays, I hope the world doesn't end on any other day. I'll be completely unprepared.
So, I was reading the SMH website and I found this article.

For those against clicking links, more power to you. Mel B, of the Spice Girls Fame.
Let's get a picture happening:

Scary Spice living up to the name
It is a bit disturbing that in looking for that photo a lot of pics Mel C came up. Clearly two different people. Pfft...
Let's also get a Flashback happening so we can be fully aware of just who Mel B is and how awesome she is.

As a side note, Dear potential suitors, if you want to be my lover,  please don't get with my friends.

So, that is Mel B, part of one of the most successful girl groups ever and a very important part of my childhood, and let's be honest, if you have Meatloaf driving your bus, you don't have it half bad.

Mel B is currently a judge of Australia's X Factor. A great judge too, she goes straight for the tears, which in the end what makes a great a judge and a great mentor since that's the stuff you need to hear.

So, in the process of judging some dude that was crap in his performance and Mel B rightfully called bullshit.

The dude's response, his name is Luke O'Dell, if anyone cares... No-one? Moving on.
"Mel B just performed on X Factor lol so bad and this lady judged me? She needs a reality check,
Number one, she is Mel B, she is a Spice Girl. She has sold more records, DVDs, posters and other general Popstar merch than you will ever see in your life. 
Ultimately, the minute you sign up for a talent show, you are opening yourself to be judged. Not just by very qualified people, such as Mel B, who if anything knows the business and knows what one has to do to make it. 
But you are being judged by absolutely everyone. That's part of the deal. You sell your soul and pay with tears. Basically, the audience doesn't want people to succeed. We want failure. Lots and lots of failure.

Though, at the end of the day, the most offensive part of that statement, ignoring the obvious disrepect, is that you don't need talent to be able to judge and to judge well. 
Just because you can't perform well, which is arguable in a don't you don't be disrespecting no Spice Girl, to be able to judge well. 
Let's look at Simon Cowell. 

We may stop looking now. 
This is the dude that created X Factor and American Idol. 
He judges and is the bitchy judge. He bathes in tears of broken dreams. 
I don't see anyone saying that he can't judge because he can't perform. No, because he will take that person and shatter all their hopes and dreams until the have nothing left. 

Which I'm hoping is Mel B's next plan. 

But the end of the day, if you are going to participate in reality TV. You have sold your soul, you'll cry and you will be judged. Often and for many different reasons.  You will also be called different names.

Apparently Adam

Elyse Harshly Judges Music Messing with Memory.

I recently went on a music download spree. Just for the record, not all music you download is illegal.

I mean downloading is just a phrase you use to say you got something from the internet.
Why are you all judging me?

I'm all about supporting music and small bands and all that jazz.
For example, one of the recent things I downloaded was Bravo, Max!
I totally bought their music because it had an accordion and mandolin in it and more importantly, their name was Bravo, Max!
Yes, it takes little to get my interest. They are a good band, I'm enjoying it.

Anyway, that was me getting defensive about my music habits. The Audio Engineer in me some days feels a need to defend myself against myself. I think I have bigger issues here.

Moving on...

So! One of the things I gathered in my music spree was the soundtrack to the last episodes of season 2 of Glee.
In particular, the songs from the finale. I remember being really unimpressed with the season finale as a whole and that it was a weak finish to what was looking to a promising end. Weak, weak finish.

But as I sit here typing listening to my Glee soundtrack, amongst other thing things which are the Bravo, Max! and my beloved Taylor Swift. I note that I have really really strange music taste.

I keep getting on a lot of tangents tonight, my apologies.
So, listening to the Glee soundtrack, I'm digging it and then I think to myself "Yeah, I should totally rewatch that episode! It would be awesome! Listen to the music!" then no! Just no!
They try and woo me with Puck on an Accordion!
Let's just enjoy that...

You'd think that typing "Puck Piano Accordion" into Google images would give that image towards the top.
And you'd be wrong.

This pic comes up before Puck with a Piano accordion.
And I can't tell, but that might be a mountain goat.
Seriously, what is it with the goats?
If not, what is that? Is it an antelope? 

Going back to my music knowledge.
I dig the songs, but you know what was thing that made the episode a spectacular failure for me.

Patti LuPone.
Now, don't get me wrong, I love Patti LuPone, but do you know why?
Because of this:

She literally stops in the middle of the show's big number to yell at an audience member.
What is best someone did this:

And then she meets Rachel and is all not crazy and all gracious?
It made me die a little bit on the inside.

I also love the internet. Since the Patti LuPWNed is amazing.

However, no matter how much I could understand them not wanting Patti LuPone to not be crazy, which is weird, I really wanted a Rachel Berry vs Patti LuPone smackdown but alas, nothing like that. That would have been amazing.
I guess, Santana having to be held back from a smackdown will do plenty for my Glee and Santana love.

I think it all comes back to the thing I need to remember is that Glee is good for music, terrible for storylines.
But I know this, I accept this.
Plus, I guess, if I really want to continue my Patti LuPone beats up Rachel Berry, there is always fanfic.
Do you think that exists?
Oh, who am I kidding?
It's the internet. Of COURSE it exists.

Elyse's Misadventures with Words

Writing short posts freak me out too, but this won't be too long.  By my standards.

I have this terrible problem with words and you know reading, and that is when words are similar I often put in the wrong one.
The best story I have of this recently is that I had an assignment a couple of weeks ago on file conversions, however, in my report, I didn't write the word conversion. I wrote conversation. Over and over again, except in the first incident. So I got it right once, but primarily I wrote conversation.
I didn't notice. How I found out was that they went through the assignments in class. When I wasn't there.
Thankfully, that lecturer didn't care too much about that and I didn't lose any marks, he did find it really amusing though. 

So, yes, I have an issue with words that look similar but are real words. Thankfully, I have spell check every where which makes my spelling better.

Just basically, I quite often make mistakes with the wrong words and spelling, so you'll just have to bear with me.

Is it bear with me or bare with me?
I can't even tell which is right.

So, let's just go with this:

Inadvertently Ask Elyse: The Hiatus Edition

It is now time for my favourite thing ever to write! Yay! Favourites!

It is time for Inadvertently Ask Elyse, where I take all the people who have stumbled upon my blog with their questions and answer them like they were actually asking me.

I can only hope that I have taught people the value of the side hug and the most appropriate places to side hug (with photos!) 

And since the last Inadvertently Ask Elyse was here and that was like a year ago, I have a lot to catch up on.
I do know that the most frequent search request I get is about kid goats and I have that covered for all you goat lovers out there. Read that and look at the cute pictures of goats.
With a closer inspection, not only is the kid goat number one my searches, it also appears another 11 times within the list of searches.

Where is all this goat loving coming from?
I think I've doomed my internet writing career to goats and hugs.

You know, I don't have a problem with this.

Should we move onwards because I do have a lot of stuff to write about hugs.

One Sided Hugs
The first thing we need to clarify with the one sided hug is do you mean that it is emotionally only one sided. The longing hug you give when you are madly in love with the person you are hugging but they are just hugging you in a platonic manner, or the "I'm hugging you, why aren't you hugging me?" 
Like this:
The wolf is not enjoying the bear hug. 

The alternative is that it is just a two person side hug, which means that only one side is involved.

You can also have a situation that combines the two:

I actually stole this photo. Which is the only reason I included it.
Side Hug From A Guy

I can only assume if you are getting a side hug from a guy are concerned about it, you have seen this and you are just doing your Christian duty, so you keep up the good work until there is a ring on that finger.

The Christian Side Hug is never not funny.

Side Hugs are For Friends
Woah, step back there.
Side Hugs are for EVERYONE!

Ramblings of Elyse
That's me!
In fact, this search might have been mean...
Apparently I suck at answering my own questions. Oh... well... Moving along!

When writing songs don't be literal
This is a hard one, since I do listen to a lot of musicals and when you are writing an exposition song, which is a very important part of writing songs to a musical, you need to go the literal place. If all your exposition is in metaphor then your plot becomes like the wind and hard to see, you can feel it in places but it is just all over the places.
See what I did there?
I doubt it because that wasn't a metaphor, it was a simile.
There is a place for metaphors, simile, euphemisms and other ways to talk around things. Yeah, we get you are trying to woo the man or woman of your choice through song, but you can just put it straight out there and it works or you can go straight up confusing metaphor.  

Just try and remember what words actually mean.

"a short poem or other set of words set to music or meant to be sung"
What is a ballad?

"leave our boats behind"
I know this as a song that is the Galilee Song, however, that is not as fun.

This is what I would yell across that sea as my pirate saying, and then if they didn't leave their boats behind, I'd shoot cannons and force them do so and then those boats would be mine. Muwhahahahaha!

Are literal versions of songs real?
They are real in the terms at they exist as a piece of music, but they are not performed by the people who wrote the original song, nor are they the same lyrics. Naturally, this is what makes it funny.
But why would that stop it from being real?

Best literal version of song
Total Eclipse of the Heart, without a doubt. I would link but it is no longer available in my country and I just died on the inside.

Buffy lore crosses
The cross in Buffy is used as a repellent against vampires, it doesn't actually kill them it merely burns them and while the vampire doesn't like it, they can stand it in situations such as at the end of the Buffy episode Angel where Angel and Buffy kiss and Buffy is wearing a cross necklace, the one she got from Angel in Welcome the Hellmouth, and when she leaves there is a close up of Angel's chest which features the burnmark of the cross.
In most cases it works to repeal, but in the case of vampire nutbags such as Kralik from Helpless who kind of digs the pain, but you know nutbag.

The cross is also used in rituals such as the vampire uninvited spell that requires hanging of the cross. I believe in traditional vampire law the cross is representative of the faith of the person wielding it and that is where the power comes from, so it is debatable whether a Star of David would have the same effect for someone that is Jewish, such as Willow in the world of Buffy. It is worth mentioning that since when Willow is putting up the cross she makes a comment about how her Jewish dad is not likely to be happy. 
As the series progresses vampires become less and less prominent as villains and as a result there is less and less cross play in Buffy.

Can a hug be assault
Yes, it can, but I'm pretty sure at that point we wouldn't call it a hug.
The best example of this would be the bear hug, which is an actual attack move, as well as a particularly strong hug.
There is a fine line in some cases and it comes down to intent.
Also, good life advice: Don't hug real bears. Even the wolves don't like it.

Don't Stop Believing Australia Rob Mills
No, Australia, please stop believing in Rob Mills. Go away Millsy! GO AWAY!!

Elyse Fillion
That is who I would be if I married Nathan Fillion, and last time I checked that wasn't in the cards. I wouldn't say no, but you know, just gotta wait for that one.
Sorry Taylor.

Elyse needs
Oh, I need so many things... So, so many things.
I think I might start with Nathan Fillion to call me.

how fucking annoying is river firefly 
My kindred spirit. 

Is it awkward to hug a short person? 
Depends how tall you are, but generally, yes, yes it is. 

how to hug comfortably 
Avoid hugging short people, and really tall people, unless you factor in how you are going to hug them, your intent for hugging them, how long and whether you are going from hugging to canoodling.
These are important questions to factor in for hugging in a comfortable manner. 
Love Elyse what I wore
Thank you Google searcher! 
Rhymes with the name Elyse
Police, Geese, Meese, Peace, Piece, Lease, Cease, fleece, grease, Greece, niece, Rhys, weiss
The best one is clearly Police. 
This awkward hug ends when you cry
Are you crying because the hug ended?
Because who stops hugging when the crying starts? That is just a douchebag move and generally the best way to deal with a crying person is to do hugging or the comforting side hug, which is slightly different.  
But regardless, there is the element of awkwardness with the crying hug. Unless both parties are crying, where not as awkward. 

I just want to know why so many people are googling hugging?
Though, I like to consider myself an internet hugging authority.

My Love Story with Taylor Swift

You know quite often it would seem to the outsider that I am very rock and roll, well, I guess as an insider I seem very rock and roll. I mean, I have Rock Band, what is more rock and roll than that?

Seriously, this is rock and roll:

<----- Rock and Roll Right there...

You can just feel my passion for the music.

I have a photo of me drinking beer and playing drums at the same time, but in the interest of not getting people I don't talk to anymore stalked and my laziness in editing and photos, it isn't a sound file, I'd have to work out how to actually do that.

Hey man! You just lay off! All I'm just doing is trying to keep things interesting, I don't need this attitude!!!

I'm leaving!!

Oh, Taylor, you are there. Yeah, I guess I'm ok, I just had a fight with my imaginary readers.

 It's ok, Taylor. It happens, I'm working on my issues, but right now, I just need to accept that but in the meantime I probably should stop talking to photos.

Woah man, I get it, drama isn't cool, but what did you do with Taylor?
Dude! Not cool!!

Now, I should use real words and not pictures because at the end of the day I am an audio person... Which I guess isn't helpful at all in this context.
Actually, that's a lie, we are talking about music. Music is totally audio.

 I love music personally, did you not see me rocking out on those drums? Yeah, rock and roll!
But there is one thing when one is rock and roll and that means you can't like certain groups without some kind of label being attached, but I am pretty sure it is actually impossible to label my music genre it is just far to everything, I can't label it but that's because I actually suck at stereotyping. I have a friend that helps me do that.

At the end of the day, I like rock and roll, I like ska, I like musicals and frequently I have the musical taste of a 12 year old girl. 

Now all of that is out of the way, I am going to say it...

I love Taylor Swift. 

If only I could be that guitar...

I joke about that, only because last night I was asked if I was going to marry Taylor Swift.
I said I would, in Canada, since then it would be legal.

I have since changed my mind that I am in fact not going to marry Taylor Swift because when we break up, which is likely to happen since our schedules would just not work out and it would be painful, so painful we all know she is going to write an album about it and how I broke her heart and everyone would know they would be all like "Oh, there goes Elyse she totally broke Taylor Swift's heart and Taylor Swift was always so nice not that horrid Elyse!".
My fictional love with Taylor Swift is complicated.

I couldn't be with Adele for the same reason.

Sorry solo female artists of the world who sell records about heartbreak!

Perhaps, we should move on the to the music side, it seems less complicated and you know real.

Mainly, I actually really want to talk about the song "You Belong With Me".

Do we all need to take a minute to enjoy the song?
It's ok, let us take a minute, relax, get our thoughts together.
To just stop and love Taylor.

This film also has the classic pop move double role. So, we get double the Taylor action.
I have a special love for Bitchy!Taylor in this one, I don't even know why, but it is delightful.

I like the song, I do, but Taylor, hunni, you can wear t-shirts and short skirts at the same time. They are not mutually exclusive.
When I was looking for a picture to demonstrate this is what I got. Ladies, men who like to wear skirts, you are welcome.

However, I did an actual example:

"Yeah, look at this Taylor Swift"

Look! Completely possible to wear a t-shirt and short skirt.
That is a bad opening argument Taylor! You need to lead with your strong points!
Start with how you both enjoy writing signs to each other in an art book that is conveniently located near your window which is located near your dreamboat.

It finally occured to me the other day as I drove home listening to my Taylor, that maybe Taylor wears T-Shirts instead of short skirts and without pants.

In this style:

Having accepted that Taylor Swift just likes to be pantless made me be able to accept that is just how Taylor is and well, I guess that is why we belong together. 

It seems only fair that it should end up like this...

It looks like I'm playing a G chord on that sign...

And then things got complicated....
This photo wasn't even stolen. Yeah, that's right.

Goats, what is up with that?

It is amazing how often I stop and think to myself "I can't believe I just wrote that", the title of this today's blog is another case of this. You would think that the amount of crap I talk I would get over it, but some times it just seems weird to me.

However, it is my duty to preserve on in this challenge.

I have always tried within this blog to keep up some consistency and create themes and the creation of a cohesive unit, it very rarely works, but since that is just how I operate then we all have to deal. Or mainly, you have to deal. It doesn't effect me all that much since I'm not actually reading the blog. Maybe I should start doing that to make my writing better, yeah?
Moving on, but one of the ways I wanted to do that was to create a regular segment of Inadvertently Ask Elyse.
As a side note, today I discovered that I mispelt inadvertently incorrectly in that post I linked and I only discovered because in my labeling I had it there twice.
I probably should do short posts about Elyse's misadventures in writing and mistakes that I can't see until it is obviously pointed out. (If anyone wants that, tell me and I will, after all I do take requests).

Ok, so Inadvertently Ask Elyse is looking at the searches people have done in Google to get into my blog and taking those and answering those inquiries as if they were asking me. It combines two of my favourite things- Google and being a smartarse, I mean just thrown in some schnitzel with noodles and brown paper packages tied up with string and it is the best day ever. It would make me sing in the mountains.

And with that super smooth segue, let's take a musical interlude:

The point of that?
So, I was researching for my next Inadvertently Ask Elyse and because of my year long hiatus, I looked at it for the entire year, the number one search "kid goat".

Which looks a little like this:

I just added that because kids are super cute. Seriously, look at that goat! Super cute! You are kidding if you disagree! I mean, imagine the bill for that!
That billy goat joke didn't quite work, I will also keep a hold on my goat puns.

So, the most frequent search, "kid goat" and it is the most by a lot, about triple the searches of number two most frequent search which is "side hug", as it should rightfully be. This seemed quite unusual, so I did research.
My research started with Google and typed in "kid goat", maybe for some reason people don't talk about kid goats on the internet and my blog ends up on the first couple of pages.

It doesn't.
I could have kept looking, but dude, after 6 pages on Google looking for myself it started to seem a little weird.
Next path was to see just how often I talk about goats, which is most likely a you're kidding me, when talking about goats (or small children... more often goats though).
Goat only appears once in my blog. In the Inadvertently Ask Elyse that I linked at the beginning of the page talking about goats. I swear it is like I entered the Google version of the Time Loop Paradox.

Apparently, out in my very small part of the internet, I have created a safe haven for those who want to search for baby goats, and I say more power to you.

Now, only if people want to give side hugs to kid goats then that is the ultimate way for me to increase my traffic flow.

Just as a tip, if you do plan to hug a goat, it would be best hugging technique to go for a side hug, or at least a half side hug. A half side hug being where one half of the hug is on the side, that would be the goat.
So here is the half side goat hug:

As you can see, the dude there is front hugging, while the goat is in a side hug.

Now, just for the cutest thing I could have stolen to demonstrate a Kid Goat Side Hug:

Excuse me, I need to go break into a farm to hold a goat now.
Wish me luck!

The hugging goat photos I stole from here. It features lots of people hugging goats. Good people.
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