The Ramblings of Elyse

I have some love for the FML website...
Oh, you didn't know it was a website?

Well, it is.
It is a website where people write in short stories of which the only response can be "Fuck my life" or in the more work appropriate environment "FML". Just for the record, I clearly am not a work appropriate environment.
Except maybe my work...

That's not the point, so I love the FML website, it makes me laugh heartily sometimes. I prefer the ones where the person who wrote it so totally deserved the outcome.
Yeah, this makes me a horrible person, but you know what, so are so many other people.
This is why they get submitted so some random person on the other side of the world can laugh at their misfortune.

I've written about this before... I just would need to find it and I have capped internet. FML.

Anyway, then suddenly the FML phenomena left the confines of the website and suddenly people put it in their Facebook status... And then the ultimate disgrace. Say it in real life.
I have this thing against people who say internet acronyms in the real world. You know those people who "lol"... you know we have a thing for that in the real life. It's called laughing... OUT LOUD, you motherfucker.
Sorry, I do have anger about this.
Those people need to be slapped and then people should lol about it... by laughing out loud.

So, FML... I heard people use it on the train, Miss Addict (enjoy your shameless plug! And I got the link right first go... Take that! ) also heard it used and tweeted it.

It is not something that I can stand for.
Especially with some of the things that people FML at.

"Today, I had an exam. FML." You want to get an education, these things require exams. You don't want exams, drop out of uni and get a job. "Today, my boss wanted me to actually work. FML",

These people need to harden up, princesses. These are not things that require your life being fucked.
I had 6 exams in three days at the end of last semester. Did I make a Facebook status about it?
Did I say FML about it at all?
No, I accepted that as part of the insanity that is my degree, that I get crazy shit like 6 exams in three days. I sucked it up, did my fucking exams and moved on my life.
Was it hard?
You bet, but whinging is not going to change a thing.

I understand that right now I'm bitching about it, so I am aware of the hyprociy, so it makes me feel better.

But this brings me to my point.
I've decided to fight back and each time that I read on someone's Facebook FML, I will then create a scenario that is so much epically worse, that you will appriecate the challenge that life has thrown at you, over come it and go, no life... FUCK YOU.

So, that is my pledge. That being said, I have some standards, somethings I simply can not be a smartarse about. I have examples, but don't really want to use them. 
As a ranter, if it happens on Twitter, I'll direct you here.

In honour of what I have dubbed the "KT System" since I've done it more than once in her Facebook statuses. Statuii?

Today. Today, I fight back. Take THAT, internet!

Yes, this is my third post for the night.

This is the first post I've actually started writing tonight.

It's my 41st post of the year and the 13th post of May.

These numbers only mean something to me.
I've written more this month than I wrote in 2008 and one would think I would have gone hardcore with my writing when I first started the blog.
Come to think of it, I can't even remember the why I started the blog.


Damn, can't even go to my regular scapegoat of Teen Angst.
Teen angst, that was a while ago...

So far in 2010, I have written more than I did in 2009, give me another post and it will be equal with '09 and '08 combined.
May, 2010 is the one I have written the most posts for.
Good times.

These are interesting numbers.
They fascinate me, but I'm the one that likes the numbers and I look for patterns.
My blog writing pattern is lots at the begining of the month and then stop.
Then again, I have lots of drafts at the moment, most of which won't get published since they are just justifications of stupid behaviour and justifications are bullshit and will annoy me so much more if I publish them.
So, sorry world. In the vault...
Unless you hack my account...

Which, don't.

Thus, numbers, lots of numbers.

I could do a word count, but I think it will make the internet explode.
It would be high, let's just leave it at that.

I lost track of what I was writing about some time ago...
I think I need to find some topics.
Give me some topics!
Seriously, I'll write about whatever!

Aren't you curious to find out what I'd do with a serious world issue?

That being said, I am looking forward to the 2nd of June when I write my favourite segment ever!
That's right... The June edition of the Inadvertly Ask Elyse!
I have some good ones.

I think I have an obsession with hugging...
But it will be exciting!

Seriously need to make that video.
Does anyone want to be in my video about hugging?


And that's how Elyse got involved in making Pornography for the Hardcore Christians...

Yesterday, I was on a quest.

I had to find a book that I planned to give to a friend of mine, I had originally planned to buy it from the internet but discovered I could indeed buy it in Australia. No, that was wrong.

I discovered this when I walked into a bookshop and couldn't see it on the shelf so asked the very stupid question of "Hi, I'm looking for a book".

See, I know it's a stupid question, I was told afterwards that it's only when I don't follow it up with another statement about what book and the person serving me is completely immune to it. Due to the frequency that people do it.

The thing that made this story completely gold is well, the person serving me was hilarious and while I'm sure she thought I was a nutcase, she was amused by it rather than being scared.
I ask stupid questions, but I'm self aware of it.

The gold part of the story, I was looking for a book called "Pirate's Guide to Parenting", while wearing my "To Err is to Human, to Arr is to Pirate".

So, what did I wear while book shopping?
I don't have a photo...
I'm going to have to get a photo, aren't I?

Well, I won't because I'm lazy and in bed and lazy.
So loyal readers, I owe you one.

Yeah, I'm a blog about passive aggressiveness.

This is largely in response to the massively passive aggressive blog I wrote last week, I've been meaning to write it for a while but I've been lazy and had a small amount of writer's blog.

I actually made some vlogs to make up for it and then got really self conscious about them and didn't post them. Even though I spent the hour uploading them to the internet.
So, sorry guys, you are gonna have to wait til I think I'm bullet proof for me to post them.

I think they both feature singing, which is a horrible, horrible thing and yeah, that is the main thing I'm self conscious about so, alas, until I'm feeling bulletproof they are staying in the vault.

 I feel sorry for the person that gets stuck going through my computer.

Anyway! Passive aggressiveness!
My main act of passive aggressiveness has to be the fact I wrote the long detailed blog about unfriending completely aimed at someone who I know reads this. Part of me was curious to see if they'd respond or even bring it up.
If you were curious, no, no they didn't.
Did I bring it up and force a conversation about it? Yes.

One of the many reasons why it sucks to be friends with me.

But alas, I think it's all sorted, if it's not, I'm never going to be told about it, so we all move on.

Yeah, that too was a pointed comment since the person that it is aimed at reads this.

So, passive aggressiveness!

In some ways I think I'm really bad at the passive aggressive games, but that's ok, because I have people to write my passive aggressive emails on my behalf and in return I provide witty commentary and shout outs on my blog of various subtleties.

You'll have to forgive me, I started writing and then stopped at this point and don't remember what I really wanted to talk about.

The passive aggressive things I find most annoying are the Facebook status comments. Yes, we get it, you are pissed at someone, grow up and talk to that person. Don't constantly write annoying vague Facebook status.
If you feel a need to do this so often, get a fucking Twitter account, so I don't have to read your bullshit!

Ok, I think I might be confused about what it is to be passive aggressive... In my mind it's about being aggressive but in a passive way...
Right now I am pissed off at you, but I don't want to confront you so I'll make thinly veiled comments about you.
Where as Wiki seems to inform me it's some kind of personality trait that is a passive resistance to following through with actions in interpersonal and occupational situations.
Thus the "Yeah, I'll do it" and then not doing it.

Interesting...
Which, kind of kills this post for me.
So, I'm gonna stick with the being aggressive but in the not obvious way.

This doubles as sending messages in a non-direct way, which my favourite means to do will forever be there joining lots of Facebook groups with a similar theme... "I miss you so much" "Why are never online?" "I wait all night just to talk to you for a few seconds" "Why are you never by the third window facing the east so I can get the clear view of you as you sleep?"
Yeah, we get it. You are creepy stalker and now everyone on your list is praying that it's not aimed at them.


Basically, stop with the vague, repetative Facebook updates. Unless of course you are hilarious, insightful or a combination of the two.
Work sucks, people sucks. Accept it, move on or get a Twitter account.

Or you know, a blog to bitch about these people...
Clearly, the way to go.


Build  a fan base...
Bitch about fans...
Destroy a fan base.

I typed fan bass that last time.
Is it a fan for the bass? Keeping the music cool or is a fan's bass.
Why do my typos have strange questions...

I need to stop writing random stuff.
Enjoy.

Give me external validation and comment.

Yes, I have another vlog for you.

I actually did this one a couple of weeks ago and didn't upload it for some strange reason or I thought it wasn't very interesting but then I figured, no one has told me I'm uninteresting and it really amuses me. So enjoy.


There is another one to go up in the next or so.
That one features a preview of what's upcoming next on Elyse's Adventures Talking to the Camera.

Yeah, I'll eventually get around to making actual videos with proper editing and stuff, but you know, Lazy.

I think the begining of this is my favourite...





Procrasinating VIA GUITAR! from Super Flyse on Vimeo.

That and I love the screen caps of those.
I just want to know how to change them.


Enjoy.
Please comment. I need external validation.

Just as the title says, in a world that is full of hate and violence and all kinds of bad shit. The one way to solve it:

Don't be a douche. No, just don't.
Don't be a douchewaffle or a douchnozzle, don't get yourself douche-knighted to become Sir Douchwaffle nor King of the Douches.

If everyone just stopped being a douche, there would be world peace.

I love Google.

I'm not going to lie, I love Google more than I love a lot of things.
In fact, I am going to give you a list of things I love in order.

1. Patrick Joe and my other assorted musical instruments
2. Buffy
3. Google
4. Adam (He is dreamy)
5. Angel Muppet
6. My loyal readers

I wonder how many people are going to get offended by number 4 there.
I imagine that I'm gonna get sent a message being all like "Why do you love Adam more than me?", so Loyal Readers, I love you too.

I once declared my love for Google to one of my friends and I said "what doesn't Google know?" and Lexi was all "how to love?"
I took this as a challenge, and did what any other sane person would do.

I googled "How to Love".

And I thank God every day that I did that because now, now I know how to love.

Thank you, WikiHow, now I know how to love.
And it evens includes a picture to help you on the way.

I feel more equipped for the world knowing the 6 steps of love and I will go through the six steps and followed by how it is going to help me love Google more. KT, feel free to replace your name with Google if that will make you feel better.

1. Saying it.... (Google, I love you. I heart you. I less than three you! )


2. Empathize.... (Yes, Google you are a website. I understand that is what you do and that may impact how you do things)

3. Love Unconditionally... (Google, I will love you, even though I know that sometimes you won't give me the right answers in my first attempt and it might take me several attempts to get there but I know we will eventually get there.. TOGETHER. I will love you through all of that.)

4. Expect nothing in return... (Google, I understand that you are a website and many people love you, they love you as their outlet to the web, in their quest for knowledge, to find out so many things, you lead the way. I'd be naive to think that I'd be the only person to love you and I know, that you are a website, who helps so many and could love so many that, I know this love may be unrequited. But it is something... It is something...)

5. Realise it can be lost... (Dear Google, I know there will be day where your awesome searching abilities will be beaten by something or the internet dies, but I will live in the now where our love is strong. All my love, Elyse)

6. Never stop loving... (There's always Yahoo!)



Now, this knowledge combined with another helpful page I found on WikiHow.
Seriously guys, WikiHow... It will teach you how to live...

And also apparently help you pick up...

How to hug a guy... ROMANTICALLY>....

Hot.

I don't think it's really Ramblings of Elyse to go through this blog, I don't want to corrupt the minds of the readers...
But readers, just remember if you are planning to go out, find yourself a man to hug just keep these in mind.

• If you don't think you're ready to try all of this, don't worry. Wait until you're ready - then you can really enjoy it all.
• Don't force the hug. He might not be ready for it, so just wait for another time.
• Don't attack the guy. Show him how you feel, but let him take the lead.
• If things go past either of your limits, stop it right away and let each other know how far your limits are.
• Don't hurt the guy. And don't let him hurt you. Everyone has their squeeze limit.
• Only apply this to a guy you actually like. Never toy with a guy's feelings, especially if it's because you want to make someone else jealous. It never ends well.
• Make sure that he actually likes you because if he doesn't,it will be really awkward in the end.

Ok, I don't want to appear sexist, I'll see what I can find out for the boys.



I'm back! Ok... I guess you couldn't really tell if I left.

One thing this lesson has taught me is that man, I am such a whore, I give up my hugs so easily.
I don't think Jesus hugged anyone like that.

So, Boys, how to hug a girl. 
Everything you need to know about how to hug a girl...
Now, this isn't about hugging romantically, but I think it could be renamed "How to pick up with your hugs".

But it does warn me:
""Couple" status is not a requirement for hugging a girl, but you should at least be on familiar terms with her. Hugs between opposite-gender friends are often reserved for more significant moments, such as when parting before moving away, or returning after a long absence. Still, as long as you are respectful toward her, an occasional hug is probably fine. If it is too awkward for one or both of you, it may be best to avoid initiating one, but don't rule out the possibility of a hug being appropriate at some later point."

The best way to make sure we all know what the hug is "if it is just a friendly hug, don't hold on for more than 3 seconds and laugh when you let go".



Good to know, WikiHow, Good to know.

I'll be paying attention to this now when I go to hug some boys. Yeah, that's right... I said plural. What up? 


You've taught me that I should just stick to my Christian Side Hugs...



Yes, I can't get enough of that video and EMBEDDING! What's not to love?

OkWikiHow from the not Relationships section...

Here's a good one.
How to avoid being shot by a Police Officer
I have some good advice for this.

Don't break the law. Don't carry weapons. If there is a cop with their gun out, don't be a douche.
Simple advice.


And finally, something I can use in my every day life.

I realise that is the assumption that you actually click on the list.
If it helps, one of the tips is "Don't be a geek, or a nerd. Be well liked among your class, by chatting and giggling with everyone. Make sure everyone has heard of your name before!"

I wonder if I can get tips on being a nerd...
Oh... They do. Awesome.

Way to perpetuate stereotypes, Internet! 

Armed with knowledge...
ONWARDS we go!