The Ramblings of Elyse

I just want to start with I love the word musings.

The dictionary I just looked at didn't accept it, but spellcheck doesn't seem to have a problem with it.

Musing. To be absorbed in thought.
I do that. I do that a lot. I catch a lot of public transport and haven't been able to read a book since I decided it was a great idea to start reading a book about the joys of doing Heroin.
That wasn't a smart move, but my reading has always been very tightly linked with how I currently perceive the world. If I don't perceive it well, then I don't read. Simple as that.

But I still have trains. I have two hours of public transport each day.
I stare out the window and think. I think of many things.

I think I managed to enter the world of the creative people. I've never really thought of myself as overly creative, but as I stare out the window they are the things that enter my mind.
Thoughts... Ideas...

Lots of ideas.
For books, for blogs (I tend to forget, not write or become completely insecure with my ability to back up ideas with anything else), for videos. For lots of things.

I once started to write a musical with one of my friends. We kind of stalled when we couldn't decide on the major plot point, but I caught public transport than too...
I got my ideas as I travelled, music in, staring out the window.

That's just what I did.

I actually meant to write this about sleeping.

I should be asleep right now. It's almost 1am and I have work tomorrow.
I never used to have a problem with sleeping, back in the day, I'd go to bed early and be able to fall asleep very easily and now... Now I don't have that.

I know a lot of people that had insomnia and were never able to sleep, I never had that problem, if anything I had it the other way round and would sleep way too much.

Which kind of sucks.
Unless, you are one of those people that enjoy my late night ramblings because you are the real winner here.

So, sleep, why have you forsaken me?
Why did we break up?

We had a good time together.
I was happy, you were happy.
What went wrong?
Was I not good?

And yes, I did go to the Buffy place there.

I miss you sleep, I miss how easy we used to be together and now it's tension and it's just not the same.


I can only speculate what happened, things changed. We grew apart, suddenly we wanted different things.
Then the doubts appeared and I'd lay awake waiting for you with thousands of thoughts running through my head.
And you knew, you knew about them all along.

The thoughts, horrible thoughts, really, what do I actually care about what I'm going to wear tomorrow?
I think my iPod will last at least one way and I'll just take the charger.
Ottawa... the capital of Canada is Ottawa.

I just want my sleep back.
I just want it to be the way it used to be.

But alas, it won't be.

Not really in the nature of change to work that way.